Is it just me, or do dads get a bit of a bad rap even on Father's Day?


Father's Day is a day for celebrating fathers, right?  For acknowledging all the wonderful things they do for their children day in and day out, and for thanking them...you know, like really thanking them for all the blessings we've received from them.

Right.  So is it just me, or is there really a very stark contrast between how we celebrate Father's Day and how we celebrate Mother's Day?  Because I feel like there is.  I really do.

I've had the impression for several years now that Father's Day was probably only made into a holiday in an attempt to be fair.  Like, you know.  Mom had a holiday, so dad must have one too...though we really couldn't care less.   

I can't explain it exactly, all I know is, in the last couple churches I've attended, I've noticed a distinct difference in how we celebrate these two holidays. 

Mom gets all the encouraging words.  All the "You're the best!" "I'm sorry I've taken you for granted so much!" type stuff.  While dad gets more of a "You're great" but "let me also encourage you to work even harder at being the dad I know you can be!"  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

On Mother's Day we show humorous little videos depicting how much moms do on a daily basis to keep their homes running smoothly.  Humorous videos with of course a touching moment at the end where everyone realizes how overwhelmingly amazing mom is and how helpless they would be without her.  Which is all well and good, except I've also noticed that in the process of trying to make mom look really good we have a tendency to make dad look really bad.  Have you ever noticed that?  Dad can't do anything right, but mom does it all splendidly.  I think it's supposed to be funny, but I'm afraid I fail to see the humor.

So mom gets an entertaining, humorous, and "YOU ARE SO AMAZING" video for her holiday, while dad gets...

What?

A boring slideshow with forgettable pictures, and tons of heart-felt words that you never remember because the presentation itself just isn't all that compelling. 

(You can definitely tell which holiday gets the most amount of thought put into  it.)

Oh, and then there's the prayer.  On Mother's Day I'm pretty sure the prayer consists of thanking God for all the things our mother's do for us which we tend to take for granted.  A lengthy, heart-felt acknowledgment that our mom really is one of the biggest influences in our lives for good.  That we love her.  That we want her to feel loved, and appreciated, and that she really is the best!  You know.  We gush about the sacrificial love she shows every moment of every day.  The multi-tasking and endless amount of energy she expends for the good of her family. 

And don't get me wrong!  Mom deserves this praise!  She really does! 

But what about dad? 

I confess, I was getting a little heated in church the other day because while praying for our fathers, it seemed to me that the main thing coming across in that prayer was "and please help those dads who aren't quite up to the mark.  Help them to rise to the challenge and be the dads they were meant to be."  Like wait!  Hold on a second!  I thought this holiday was about THANKING our fathers.  Showing them how much they're appreciated and how grateful we are for all that they do.  Because they DO, do a lot!  They do!!  Dads show sacrificial love just as much as moms do.  They're concerned about their kids.  They pour into their lives on a daily basis, and they are just as capable as the moms of taking their job seriously.  I'm telling you, there are a lot of good dads out there! 

So why can't we take this one day of the year and really appreciate them instead of falling back on the notion that we have to call forth true fatherhood, and get dads back to where they're supposed to be?  Fatherhood may well be under attack in this day and age.  I'm sure there are a lot of fathers who aren't doing their jobs.  But hey!  There are a lot of moms in that boat as well.  And I think as a church we're not helping matters at all by continuously assuming that the main thing about dads nowadays is that they're not doing what they're supposed to be doing. 

Just look at all the Christian films out there about fathers.  What is the pervading message of those films?  "Dad's on the wrong track.  Dad needs to change.  YAY, HE GOT OUR MESSAGE!  DAD'S A GOOD DAD NOW!!  Score one for us!" 

Effective?  Eh.  I'm not so sure. This message has been repeated hundreds of times over--ad nauseam--and I'm beginning to wonder.  Does watching a film about a dad who does a complete turn around call forth more effective parenting from fathers, or does it merely cement in our minds the notion that every dad is failing and every dad needs this message?!!! 

What is our true opinion of our fathers? 

Because it feels to me that we as the church are not calling forth the best in our fathers.  What we're really doing is assuming the worst of them.  We take it for granted that nine times out of ten dads are failing in their responsibility and in our attempt to call them up higher, all we're really doing is pounding it home to them that we don't believe in them.  That no matter what they do they can always do better.  And do you have any idea how discouraging such an attitude is?  That doesn't encourage anyone to be a better person, that simply convinces them that they're never going to be good enough.

In conclusion, please forgive the ranting style of this post, and also accept my apologies if I came off a bit too strong in some places.  I don't mean to be offensive in any way, but we all have our subjects and I'm afraid this is one I can get just a little bit carried away on.   (See this post and this post for further evidence of that fact.  ;)) 

In conclusion (yes, that would be conclusion the second), I just want to say, let's quit the bandwagon of trying to make better fathers and instead look our fathers in the face and say "THANK YOU!"  Because no matter what the world says, there are still a host of great dads out there and they deserve our respect and our gratitude!!