On productivity (or lack thereof)

Is it really almost five years since I last posted on this poor neglected little blog?  Where oh where does the time go?  I wish I could have a dollar for every time I've said to myself "one of these days I'm going to get back into blogging," because, dear me, I'd be enormously rich by now!  

Still, I suppose it isn't that much of a wonder that I've not written considering the fact that I am no longer the young, twenty-something-year-old with nothing to do, that I used to be, but rather an '"old" thirty-something-year-old, married, and with children; and as Lydia Bennet would say, "We married women haven't much time for writing."

Which of course isn't really true.  We could find time for writing if we truly wanted to.  There in lies the problem?  Do we want to?  Do I want to?

The truth of the matter is, when I find myself with some free time that could be put toward blogging - or any other creative project for that matter - I almost inevitably end up filling that time with nothing more than watching videos on youtube or pointlessly scrolling on the internet.  It's very frustrating.  I am constantly telling myself, "I need to stop doing this.  Why am I spending hours watching edited snippets of other peoples lives, rather than living my own life?  And all this scrolling...what is the point of it?  What am I even looking for?  I need to put away the computer and live in the real world!"  

And I mean it!  I do!  I want desperately to get away from screens and actually live life.

But somehow, even after a particularly convicting moment of how much time I waste, the very next day I'm back at it again.  It's as though I'm stuck in an endless "entertain me" mindset, and I don't know how to begin thinking and doing things for myself.  I'm lazy really.  I get an hour to myself and instead of reading a book, working on a project, or just sitting still and being quiet, I have to fill that time with mindless entertainment.  Why is that?  What is so daunting about reading a book?  What is so difficult about working on a project?  And being quiet!  Goodness, me! Is that even a thing?!  How does does one do that?  To be honest, I don't think I truly know how to sit still and be quiet.  My mind goes a little crazy when I'm doing nothing, and I get all antsy and fidgety, and must grab for my phone to while away the time.  And yet I know it would be good for me - just to sit still, look out the window, notice the sky and the clouds and the trees.  When do I ever actually look at those things?  When do I ever take time to truly reflect on the beauty all around me, and to be in awe of the one who created it?

I really do long to engage more fully in real life activities, but sadly, I feel like I totally need to retrain my brain somehow.  My mind has become addicted to nothingness, and I don't think I truly know how to think anymore (funny that I'm thinking about that!  *chuckles*).  In other words, my brain is lazy.  I'd rather look up fun ideas of things to buy for my kids, then sit down at the table and make a craft with them.  I'd rather watch random videos on youtube than read a good book.  I'd rather look up endless recipes online than buckle down, pick a recipe, and actually make it!

I'm constantly planning to be productive and diligent, but the weeks keep flying by and if the first half of the week is unproductive, then I have a tendency to let the whole thing go and simply say, "I'll start fresh next week."  But what a vicious cycle that becomes.  No week goes perfectly to plan.  I keep thinking I need to have all my ducks in a row - that I need to plan my days and weeks out to a "t" - and then I'll be able to implement the change that I want to see in my life, and finally become an organized and productive person.  But such an idea is ludicrous.  You're never going to have all your ducks in a row.  You're never going to be able to plan your week out to perfection because there's always something that comes along to mess up even the most well-laid plans.  In other words, you're not in control of what happens even in the next five minutes, let alone the next five days.

And so it's the little changes - one at a time - that's really going to make the difference.  Little changes, acted upon consistently, building up a new habit.  And then another one added, and another, and another.  Choosing in this moment to work instead of scroll, to play with my kids instead of sit in front of the computer, to think creatively rather than avoid thinking.  To do rather than to be idle. 

I get all fired up on this subject, and love to talk on and on about it, but when it gets down to the actual nitty-gritty of implementing change, I find all to often that I'm more interested in thinking and discussing change than actually implementing it.  Discipline.  Oh how I lack discipline.  I'm like Emma Woodhouse with her plans for reading, "She makes a good list", but that's about where it ends.  

Even with the good advice of focusing on one small change at a time, and working at it whole-heartedly, how do I actually manage to follow through and see that change become a habit and a way of life?  I am such an inconsistent creature sometimes, and when push comes to shove and things get difficult, I throw up my hands and claim the work to be impossible.  Or when I'm honestly trying, very hard, but still keep failing, I grow discouraged, fearing that I will never be better;  never be the person I really want to be.

Praise God for his marvelous grace and patience!  It is a measure of hope to realize that no real change will ever happen in my life solely by my own will and effort - if that's all I had to depend on I would be lost indeed! - but by the grace of the Lord Jesus working even in the midst of my failures, I can be confident to know that he will accomplish his will in my life, despite my failures. 

And so I must place my trust in God to help me.  

Working with all my might so far as it depends on me, and yet resting fully in his strength and not my own.  

Looking to the Holy Spirit to draw me away from the things that do not matter, and point me toward the things that do.  

And in the end, the goal is not simply to become a more organized and productive person, who lives life to the fullest and focuses on the meaningful things in life - no, but the true goal is to live in a way that is glorifying to God - in all that I do, through every moment of every day.  

Through trials and difficulties, normal every day frustrations, normal every day tendencies toward believing that I am somehow self-sufficient - I need to lay myself down and all my paltry efforts, and trust in Jesus for true change.  Seizing every moment of every day to live in accordance with his good plan.  To choose his way above my own.  To seek his honor and glory above my own success or accomplishments.  

To wrap it up, I want to do better about engaging my mind and participating in real life rather than wasting time in front of a screen - and this is I think a worthy goal to pursue - yet even beyond that I realize I must learn not to place my confidence in my ability to carry out this goal.  I must not fixate on my performance and seek to "better myself" simply for the sake of "bettering myself".  That is too small a goal to have.  Changing bad habits must arise out of something deeper than that.  It must come from a heart of love and service to others and a reliance on God who controls the outcome of all things.  It must stem from a desire to bring glory to the God who made me and redeemed me - by loving and serving the family he has so graciously blessed me with, by working diligently at the daily tasks he has set before me, and by pursuing the creative gifts he has given me to enjoy; all with joy and thanksgiving in my heart! 

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Psalm 16:11

********

This post was begun at the end of last year (I had to edit the beginning paragraph to say it had been five years since I'd last written on this blog rather than four!  Goodness, how time does indeed fly!).  Some of the issues mentioned (such as watching endless videos on youtube) are therefore not at the same point they were when I first started writing this post.  God has been very kind to me in getting me to the point of exhaustion with youtube that I actually now spend far less time watching videos than I did a year ago.  The principle remains the same though...I still waste far too much time in front of a screen, am prone to laziness, and struggle often to engage my mind and think deeply about things.  Still I am hopeful and excited.  Growth happens slowly, but God is always at work.  And revisiting this post I can see small steps that have been taken, almost imperceptibly, that are very encouraging.  One of those being the fact that picking up a book does not seem the daunting task it did when I began this post. I have been reading again at a more regular rate and that has been so refreshing.  Perhaps if I write another post I can give an update on what books I have been enjoying lately.  There have been some really good ones!  

Anyway, that's all for this post.  Tally ho and good night!

Advice from Miss March: Ten steps for a smooth and sensible romantic relationship.

Before I met my husband, and before I had ever been asked out on a date, I had many ideas for what dating would look like some day in my future.  I had observed other people's relationships over the years and I must confess I found some of them to be rather uncomfortable.  People in love can be so silly, you know.  And so I was determined.  I would not be that way.  When my time came, I would be sensible.  I would not allow "falling in love" to change who I was or to make me behave in that giddy, "head in the cloudsy" way that I had observed so many other couples fall prey to.  

I was a sensible person after all.  A very sensible person.  And so why should I not remain so?  Honestly! It only made sense!  Based off of my knowledge of my personal character and preferences, how could I act otherwise?

And so today I set before you "the proper and sensible way to date, get engaged, and get married" (as I would have seen it back in the day when I personally knew nothing whatever about it, 'hem).

1.

  

There is no logical reason to see each other every day.  Set yourselves a date night, once a week, and that should be plenty of time for the two of you.  Because you're a sensible couple! Just because you love each other doesn't mean you have to act like you always want to be together.  I mean, honestly.  What sensible person does that?

2. 

Sitting close together on the couch is so out of the question.  Be reasonable.  You must each sit at opposite ends of the couch so that you can properly see each other and thereby have a proper conversation.  Because everyone knows you can't talk comfortably with someone when you're sitting with your head on his shoulder!  That's just weird.

3. 

Holding hands all the time, just to hold hands.  How revolting.  This goes strictly against the sensible rules and must be avoided at all costs.  No one enjoys seeing two people glued together at the fingers.  So please, limit hand holding to only when it's necessary (which, come to think of it, is actually pretty much never), so yeah, just skip it all together.

4. 

There is absolutely no need for you to stay up late every evening you're together just talking, talking, talking.  No one can actually have that much to say to another person, can they?  You'd think you were seriously interested in getting to know each other or something.  

5.  

If you happen to work together, and therefore see each other every day at your job, do try and be sensible about things.  Don't sit out in one of your cars and talk after work...especially if you already have plans for getting together later that afternoon.  I mean, that's ridiculous!!  It makes you look far too wrapped up in each other, and is just...well, not in the least bit sensible. 

 

6. 

When you miss seeing each other for one day, don't even consider allowing yourself to walk around looking like a little puppy dog who's lost his best friend.  That's just pathetic.  You've survived without each other up until this point in your lives, surely you can survive one more day alone!

7.  

Don't get ahead of yourself.  You may both be fully convinced that you're going to get married, but trying to figure out a wedding date before you're even officially engaged will only muddle things.  (I'm speaking particularly to you, bride-to-be!)  Such an action will only lead you to stress out about the proposal needing to happen soon so that the wedding date you hoped for can go through, and that's just, well...it's like starting at the end in order to get to the beginning, and everyone knows that's totally nonsensical.  And yes.  Not sensible at all.

8.  

When the proposal does happen, keep it simple.  No need to go all crazy about it.  If you truly love each other no amount of fancy frills and doodads will make that any plainer.  And spending lots of money for a single event like that is not a "sensible" person's way of doing things since everyone knows sensible people are always penny-pinchers. 

**Note:  Just for the record, I don't actually think it's wrong to do a fancy proposal; or that "sensible" always = penny-pincher.  But growing up, in my mind, saving money was always the better option over spending it, and I also never liked the idea of an elaborate proposal.  So that's where that's all coming from.** 

9.  

Engagement is not a time to let sensibleness fail you!  Preparing for a wedding can be totally simple, easy, and stress-free, if you'll only let it be.  No need for extravagance.  Don't waste time on trying to create a dream scenario.  The point is to get married.  Do it as simple and cheap as you can, and don't worry about it having to be perfect!  Above all, enjoy your time!  Wedding planning is totally doable and not something to be overwhelmed about.

10.  

As  a sensible couple on your wedding day, ignore all the clinking glasses.  Kissing on demand is so cheesy, and what's so great about kissing anyway?  Sure, you may want to do it once in awhile as a married couple, but it's certainly not something you'd enjoy doing so much that you'd want to do it on demand, endlessly, in front of a whole bunch of people!  That would clearly, and unmistakably, be sensibleness gone out the window!!

*****

Well, there you have it!  I hope these ten easy steps will help you to navigate through the complicated process of a romantic relationship and bring you through it happy and secure in the knowledge that you chose to do it in a sensible and dignified fashion.  

As Don Lockwood would say:

But, Miss March, now you must tell us; when you were "navigating through the complicated process of a romantic relationship" how well did you end up following your own advice?

Well, it stands to reason I followed it perfectly, does it not?

Ha!  I wouldn't go so far as to say that!  In fact, from my observation, it stands not to reason at all, but rather falls flat upon it's face.

Very well.  I'll admit, you do have a point there.  It seems my younger self had no idea what being in love would actually be like and therefore made bold statements directly from her inexperience.  And it seems my older self did in fact fail to live up to those standards quite perfectly. 

Here's the run down for you since you seem to think it so important:

1.  Fail  

For starters we worked together so we saw each other pretty much every day at work, but aside from that I confess we did get together pretty nearly every evening as well.  In fact, we didn't set a "date night" for the week, but instead set a "non-date" night in an attempt to be more intentional about not neglecting the other people in our lives.   (And I confess, even that was not fully successful all the time.)

2.  Fail

Oh naive younger self.  How little you knew of such matters.  Talking with your significant other as your head rests upon his shoulder is entirely comfortable and worth doing whenever you get a chance.  ;)

3. Partial Fail 

*coughcough*  I have to admit, my younger self would have been very disappointed with the amount of time I spent holding my future husband's hand.  Still, I think we succeeded in not being entirely glued together at the fingers; leastways we didn't hold hands so much when we were around other people.  And I still hold it to be a good policy to keep displays of affection to a minimum when in the company of others.  It's just more comfortable for everyone, I'd say.

4. Fail

This was not so much an actual opinion of my younger self, but I thought I'd include it anyway.  And well, yes, we failed this one, too.  What can I say?  When you're in love every moment is precious, and every parting is sad.  And when you're already a night owl, staying up late just comes with the territory.  

5.  Epic fail

Ridiculous, I know, but we did this quite a lot.  It was just too hard to leave work when you knew the other one would be finishing their shift soon and that there was potential for a little conversation.  Like I said, when you're in love every moment is precious.  :)

6. Fail

Well, perhaps I felt like a little puppy dog who'd lost his best friend!  What else was I supposed to do?  (For those of you have yet to experience being in love, be warned.  The desire to be together all the time is a very real thing, and it is quite easy to feel forlorn and mopey when you're not together.  Not saying that's the proper response, but it happens.)

7.  Fail

Haha, well I definitely would come under the category of one who got ahead of herself a little.  Still, as it turned out, it wasn't enormously stressful, and it all got figured out in the end, so if you're one of those couples that's sort of "engaged" before you're actually "engaged"...don't worry too much about it.  Those things just tend to happen sometimes.

8. SUCCESS!

Oh, we were very sensible when it came to the proposal.  My younger self would have totally and completely approved.  It was simple, to the point, and very, very sweet!  (I cried.) 

9.  Fail

I confess I rather strongly disliked wedding planning.  It was not because I had high standards for how my dream wedding must be, or because I was spending above and beyond my means; it was because I didn't know what I wanted, and was trying too hard to spend next to nothing...which, you know, really isn't possible especially when you're planning to have a meal and inviting more than 100 guests.  So yeah, for some people wedding planning is not stressful but for others, it just is.

10.  Success?

Considering that we didn't have any glasses to clink at my wedding, I'm assuming that means I succeeded at this one?  Still, it is a fact, that the lack of clinking glasses does not necessarily necessitate a lack of kissing.  How do I know this?  My dear friends, what a question!

*****

Well, I think that about sums this post up.  I hope you found some enjoyment either in the "good, sound advice" or in my failure to follow it.  Whichever it is, if you find yourself someday soon entering a romantic relationship, I wish you all the best.  Be prepared for it to be a very different thing than you ever imagined it to be.  Keep high standards for the important things, but be flexible and gracious with yourself if you find you're not entirely sensible all the time.  I mean, I know, this is a post about ten steps for having a sensible relationship, but let's face it.  Love isn't really a sensible thing, now is it?  Does it even really make sense?  I mean, why do people fall in love anyway?  So weird.  

Memory Nest (Revisited)

Back in 2015 (which was my first year of blogging) there was a quaint little tag that went around called the Memory Nest tag.  (You can see my original post here.) For this tag you had to list five things that started with "When I grow up and have my own house..."  It was a fun little tag, and in trying to come up with a new post idea recently, I thought why not revisit that post and add some updates to it now that I have "grown up" and actually do have "my own house"?  

It is my sincere hope that you will all gain much wisdom and insight from this post.  (And if not wisdom...and if not insight...well then, perhaps a bit of entertainment at least.)

(Original answers in black, comments on those answers in blue.)

1.  When I grow up and have my own house...I'm going to stop eating so much sugar because I just know that having my own house is going to magically give me the discipline which I now lack.  (And until that happy time comes, I'll enjoy my cookie--because I deserve it for making such a noble resolution.)

1.  Resolution?  Pray tell, what is a resolution?  Discipline?  Prithee grant me pardon, but I comprehend not such language as this!  My dear former self, what sort of thought didst enter thy brain at that time?  Consuming less sugar?  Why, tis an impossibility, and certainly not a goal thou wouldst strive for with any real degree of commitment.  I know thee too well to believe such a horrendous thing of thee.  And no...having your own home makes no difference whatsoever.

"Less sugar?  Nonsense, Jeeves!  Utter nonsense!"

2.  When I grow up and have my own house...I'm going to have lots and lots of children.  And I'm going to handle all the chaos with grace and ease...and even ENJOY it!  I can see myself now: pulling a pan of well-baked bread out of the oven, while balancing my one-year-old girl on my hip, and calling to my little son to "wait a moment!  Mommy will be right there."  Oh! such bliss!  No, I'm serious! I like the feeling of being a busy, bustling housewife, with so many things to do! 

2.  Yes, indeed.  Thou truly doth regard with bliss the thought of bustling about thine house with so many things to do and so many children to take care of...but my dear girl!  In all practicality--and facing reality--thou hast but one child even now and what sort of state dost thou find thyself in?  A fully functional, thriving, and joyful one?  No, methinks not.  Thou lovest thy child, but thou dost not always love all the work he doth demand of thee.  Oh fickle, fickle woman.  

Baby crying and calling for your attention for the hundredth time...

"Ahhhhh!  Not now!  Not again!!"

3.  When I grow up and have my own house...everything will be in spotless order, because I can't stand a messy house.  My children won't have trouble picking up after themselves because they will only have one toy a piece.  It's simpler that way.   (Just kidding.  I'm not that cruel.)

3.  We knowest not yet how thy children shall be in straightening up after themselves, but dear Miss March...there is much to be said for thy record.  In general, yea, thy house is quite neat, but yet there is room for improvement.  Thy closet?  Thy baby's closet?  All those dishes in the sink?  That inch thick layer of dust upon thy furniture?  Tsk, tsk.  Teach thyself to be orderly and then worry about thy children.   

4.  When I grow up and have my own house...I will get enormous amounts of writing and housework done all in the space of time designated for my children's afternoon naps.  (Don't ask me how.) 

4. One word...

Mwahahahaha!!!

5. When I grow up and have my own house...I'll probably faint from exhaustion.

5. Either that or weep many tears which is more thy style when thou art fatigued.  

"I'm telling you, you're more of a cry baby than the baby!"

The End

Note:  I wrote this post several weeks ago.  At that time I was just getting through the early weeks of being a new mom (which weren't easy, let me tell you!) and so my humor found vent in laughing at the overly emotional state I had lately been in.  I am happy to report that things have been much better recently.  Baby is sleeping quite well at night, and I am therefore getting much more rest which is a must for me if I want to be any sort of good company.  I have also learned that every time Baby cries it does not mean that he is starving (or even that he is hungry, believe it or not)!  Sometimes...as my husband so kindly reminds me...he just cries because...he's a baby!  ;)

Just in case you cared to know...I'm a mommy

(Just thought I'd tell you that.)

12 Delights of Christmas Tag

I was just saying to myself the other day that I wished someone would tag me because I really needed an idea for a post...and also some insensitive to write it!  And now, what do you know?  My dear friend, Gabby, has gone and done exactly that!   Thank you, Gabby!!! So much!

Gabby (who blogs at this lovely little spot) tagged me with an original tag by Heidi (whose blog can be found here).  It's a lovely Christmas tag.  Perfect for this time of year!  And so without further ado, I present to you...

1.  A favorite Christmas tradition?

Exchanging names with siblings and then going to the store all together and trying to buy presents for each other without letting the person whose name you drew know that you have them or what you are getting them.  Makes for some very interesting situations.  

A sibling standing at the end of the isle, staring straight at you, provokingly, as you try to search for the perfect gift.  "Shoo!  Go away, sibling, go away!"

Or learning the tricky art of shuffling around the store attempting to hide what you've chosen without actually putting it inside your coat because, well, obviously, you don't want someone to think you're stealing it!  That would be awful!  "No, officer.   I wasn't stealing it.  I was just hiding it for a minute!  That's all!  Honest!"

2.  Say it snowed at your domicile, would you prefer to go out or stay curled up inside?

Stay inside, surely!  It's so much fun to stay cozy and warm inside and watch the snow falling so prettily outside your window.

3.  Tea or hot chocolate?

Hot chocolate.  

4.  Favorite Christmas colors (i.e. white, blue, silver, gold, red and green etc)?

I lean more towards a combination of red and gold, rather than blue and silver.  The blue and silver tones are really pretty but I like the warmer colors best.  

For example, the ornaments on our Christmas tree

5.  Favorite kind of Christmas cookie?

Iced sugar cookies are one of my favorites!  They're so good!

6.  How soon before Christmas do you decorate (more specifically, when does your tree go up)?

I'm not sure.  I think growing up my family used to put the tree up about three weeks before Christmas (at least that's one number that sticks in my head), but it was sort of different from year to year, so I really can't say for sure.  This year my husband and I went out and bought our little tree the last weekend in November.  I have no idea if that will become a traditional time for us or not.  We shall just have to wait and see.

Our first Christmas tree.  How do you like it?
My husband christened him Henry.  I don't know why.

7.  Three favorite traditional Christmas carols?

"It Came Upon a Midnight Clear", "Joy to the World", and "What Child Is This?"

8.  A favorite Christmas song (i.e. something you might hear on the radio)?

"White Christmas"?  Maybe?  I don't know.

9.  A favorite Christmas movie?

It's a Wonderful Life.  

10.  Have you ever gone caroling?

I have.  Not very often, but the last time I remember doing it was for my grandparents several years ago.  We used to go over to their house every week for supper, but at the time we hadn't seen them for a couple weeks because my grandpa had been in the hospital.  We dropped by one evening and started singing outside their back door.  They were in the middle of a game of SkipBo and were quite surprised and pleased to see us there.  I remember what a joyful thing it was to go inside and give them hugs and spend that little bit of time with them.

11.  Ice skating, sledding, skiing, or snow boarding?

I'm going to go with sledding as that is the one option out of these four that I've ever done.  And also the one option that I feel more confident in doing without inflicting too great of bodily harm upon myself.

12.  Favorite Christmas feast dish?

The dessert?  (Does that count?)

Thank you again, Gabby, for tagging me!  It was great fun!  And thank you, Heidi, for creating this tag!  I enjoyed it very much!! :D

And now for my nominations.  

I tag:

Cordy

Anna

Miss Woodhouse

Jem Jones

Merry Christmas, everyone!  

I hope this Christmas season proves to be a joyous one for you all!!