Advice from Miss March: Ten steps for a smooth and sensible romantic relationship.

Before I met my husband, and before I had ever been asked out on a date, I had many ideas for what dating would look like some day in my future.  I had observed other people's relationships over the years and I must confess I found some of them to be rather uncomfortable.  People in love can be so silly, you know.  And so I was determined.  I would not be that way.  When my time came, I would be sensible.  I would not allow "falling in love" to change who I was or to make me behave in that giddy, "head in the cloudsy" way that I had observed so many other couples fall prey to.  

I was a sensible person after all.  A very sensible person.  And so why should I not remain so?  Honestly! It only made sense!  Based off of my knowledge of my personal character and preferences, how could I act otherwise?

And so today I set before you "the proper and sensible way to date, get engaged, and get married" (as I would have seen it back in the day when I personally knew nothing whatever about it, 'hem).

1.

  

There is no logical reason to see each other every day.  Set yourselves a date night, once a week, and that should be plenty of time for the two of you.  Because you're a sensible couple! Just because you love each other doesn't mean you have to act like you always want to be together.  I mean, honestly.  What sensible person does that?

2. 

Sitting close together on the couch is so out of the question.  Be reasonable.  You must each sit at opposite ends of the couch so that you can properly see each other and thereby have a proper conversation.  Because everyone knows you can't talk comfortably with someone when you're sitting with your head on his shoulder!  That's just weird.

3. 

Holding hands all the time, just to hold hands.  How revolting.  This goes strictly against the sensible rules and must be avoided at all costs.  No one enjoys seeing two people glued together at the fingers.  So please, limit hand holding to only when it's necessary (which, come to think of it, is actually pretty much never), so yeah, just skip it all together.

4. 

There is absolutely no need for you to stay up late every evening you're together just talking, talking, talking.  No one can actually have that much to say to another person, can they?  You'd think you were seriously interested in getting to know each other or something.  

5.  

If you happen to work together, and therefore see each other every day at your job, do try and be sensible about things.  Don't sit out in one of your cars and talk after work...especially if you already have plans for getting together later that afternoon.  I mean, that's ridiculous!!  It makes you look far too wrapped up in each other, and is just...well, not in the least bit sensible. 

 

6. 

When you miss seeing each other for one day, don't even consider allowing yourself to walk around looking like a little puppy dog who's lost his best friend.  That's just pathetic.  You've survived without each other up until this point in your lives, surely you can survive one more day alone!

7.  

Don't get ahead of yourself.  You may both be fully convinced that you're going to get married, but trying to figure out a wedding date before you're even officially engaged will only muddle things.  (I'm speaking particularly to you, bride-to-be!)  Such an action will only lead you to stress out about the proposal needing to happen soon so that the wedding date you hoped for can go through, and that's just, well...it's like starting at the end in order to get to the beginning, and everyone knows that's totally nonsensical.  And yes.  Not sensible at all.

8.  

When the proposal does happen, keep it simple.  No need to go all crazy about it.  If you truly love each other no amount of fancy frills and doodads will make that any plainer.  And spending lots of money for a single event like that is not a "sensible" person's way of doing things since everyone knows sensible people are always penny-pinchers. 

**Note:  Just for the record, I don't actually think it's wrong to do a fancy proposal; or that "sensible" always = penny-pincher.  But growing up, in my mind, saving money was always the better option over spending it, and I also never liked the idea of an elaborate proposal.  So that's where that's all coming from.** 

9.  

Engagement is not a time to let sensibleness fail you!  Preparing for a wedding can be totally simple, easy, and stress-free, if you'll only let it be.  No need for extravagance.  Don't waste time on trying to create a dream scenario.  The point is to get married.  Do it as simple and cheap as you can, and don't worry about it having to be perfect!  Above all, enjoy your time!  Wedding planning is totally doable and not something to be overwhelmed about.

10.  

As  a sensible couple on your wedding day, ignore all the clinking glasses.  Kissing on demand is so cheesy, and what's so great about kissing anyway?  Sure, you may want to do it once in awhile as a married couple, but it's certainly not something you'd enjoy doing so much that you'd want to do it on demand, endlessly, in front of a whole bunch of people!  That would clearly, and unmistakably, be sensibleness gone out the window!!

*****

Well, there you have it!  I hope these ten easy steps will help you to navigate through the complicated process of a romantic relationship and bring you through it happy and secure in the knowledge that you chose to do it in a sensible and dignified fashion.  

As Don Lockwood would say:

But, Miss March, now you must tell us; when you were "navigating through the complicated process of a romantic relationship" how well did you end up following your own advice?

Well, it stands to reason I followed it perfectly, does it not?

Ha!  I wouldn't go so far as to say that!  In fact, from my observation, it stands not to reason at all, but rather falls flat upon it's face.

Very well.  I'll admit, you do have a point there.  It seems my younger self had no idea what being in love would actually be like and therefore made bold statements directly from her inexperience.  And it seems my older self did in fact fail to live up to those standards quite perfectly. 

Here's the run down for you since you seem to think it so important:

1.  Fail  

For starters we worked together so we saw each other pretty much every day at work, but aside from that I confess we did get together pretty nearly every evening as well.  In fact, we didn't set a "date night" for the week, but instead set a "non-date" night in an attempt to be more intentional about not neglecting the other people in our lives.   (And I confess, even that was not fully successful all the time.)

2.  Fail

Oh naive younger self.  How little you knew of such matters.  Talking with your significant other as your head rests upon his shoulder is entirely comfortable and worth doing whenever you get a chance.  ;)

3. Partial Fail 

*coughcough*  I have to admit, my younger self would have been very disappointed with the amount of time I spent holding my future husband's hand.  Still, I think we succeeded in not being entirely glued together at the fingers; leastways we didn't hold hands so much when we were around other people.  And I still hold it to be a good policy to keep displays of affection to a minimum when in the company of others.  It's just more comfortable for everyone, I'd say.

4. Fail

This was not so much an actual opinion of my younger self, but I thought I'd include it anyway.  And well, yes, we failed this one, too.  What can I say?  When you're in love every moment is precious, and every parting is sad.  And when you're already a night owl, staying up late just comes with the territory.  

5.  Epic fail

Ridiculous, I know, but we did this quite a lot.  It was just too hard to leave work when you knew the other one would be finishing their shift soon and that there was potential for a little conversation.  Like I said, when you're in love every moment is precious.  :)

6. Fail

Well, perhaps I felt like a little puppy dog who'd lost his best friend!  What else was I supposed to do?  (For those of you have yet to experience being in love, be warned.  The desire to be together all the time is a very real thing, and it is quite easy to feel forlorn and mopey when you're not together.  Not saying that's the proper response, but it happens.)

7.  Fail

Haha, well I definitely would come under the category of one who got ahead of herself a little.  Still, as it turned out, it wasn't enormously stressful, and it all got figured out in the end, so if you're one of those couples that's sort of "engaged" before you're actually "engaged"...don't worry too much about it.  Those things just tend to happen sometimes.

8. SUCCESS!

Oh, we were very sensible when it came to the proposal.  My younger self would have totally and completely approved.  It was simple, to the point, and very, very sweet!  (I cried.) 

9.  Fail

I confess I rather strongly disliked wedding planning.  It was not because I had high standards for how my dream wedding must be, or because I was spending above and beyond my means; it was because I didn't know what I wanted, and was trying too hard to spend next to nothing...which, you know, really isn't possible especially when you're planning to have a meal and inviting more than 100 guests.  So yeah, for some people wedding planning is not stressful but for others, it just is.

10.  Success?

Considering that we didn't have any glasses to clink at my wedding, I'm assuming that means I succeeded at this one?  Still, it is a fact, that the lack of clinking glasses does not necessarily necessitate a lack of kissing.  How do I know this?  My dear friends, what a question!

*****

Well, I think that about sums this post up.  I hope you found some enjoyment either in the "good, sound advice" or in my failure to follow it.  Whichever it is, if you find yourself someday soon entering a romantic relationship, I wish you all the best.  Be prepared for it to be a very different thing than you ever imagined it to be.  Keep high standards for the important things, but be flexible and gracious with yourself if you find you're not entirely sensible all the time.  I mean, I know, this is a post about ten steps for having a sensible relationship, but let's face it.  Love isn't really a sensible thing, now is it?  Does it even really make sense?  I mean, why do people fall in love anyway?  So weird.  

Romantic storytelling in a nutshell

From all the vast exploration and research I've done over the years regarding romance novels and romantic films, I've decided today to provide you with a brief but comprehensive overview of what you can expect to typically find in a story of this nature.  I hope this will prove enlightening and even educational, especially for those of you who wish to pursue a career in romantic storytelling and who are perhaps wondering where to begin and what specific themes to focus on.  Here's a tried and true, never fails, solid check-list for you to go off of. 

You're welcome.

 

~*~

 

The heroine.  Strong, independent, and beautiful.  Also very, very unique.  The hero has never come across such a woman before and neither have you or your readers.  (Just swallow it.)

 

The hero.  A charming and mysterious gentleman.  With a past.  ('Cause yeah, nobody ever had one of those before!  'Twill be a definite page turner!)

The heroine meets the hero.  They have a MAJOR argument and HATE each other very much indeed.  Actually, the heroine only thinks she hates the hero--really she's in love with him...on the spot...just like that...but she won't admit it not even to herself--and as for the hero, he only puts on a front of disliking her...he knows full well he's a goner.  (As well he should be.  For no man can resist the heroine.  No man whatever in the history of...of ever.)

The hero and heroine will remain so-called enemies for as long as they can, but eventually they will  back down and admit their feelings for each other.  Indeed they will.  For they cannot help it.  Fate, people.

And thus, the plot thickens!!

Then come all the ups and downs.  All the miscommunications.  The hurt feelings, followed by beautiful moments of making up--which are however ruined by those extenuating circumstances beyond their control which somehow forever continue to come and joggle and boggle and foggle things up, keeping them from each other until...yeah...*deep sigh of exhaustion*...it's time.  Just get 'em married.

 

And so the wedding bells ring!  Happiness, bliss and happily ever after, until...

Uh oh... 

(Yes, you must always have just one more thing to ruin the happiness of your characters.   This will infuriate your readers to no end, but believe me it must be done.)  (Don't ask.  Just do!)

...of all the tragic, unexpected phenomenon, the hero dies!  (Who would have thought it???!!) 

(Let us have a moment of silence to mourn his untimely departure.)

(Got that out of your system?  Okay, good.  Let's get back to romance.)

*Pause*  But first!  Before the romance, we need to talk baby.  Because our heroine is of course expecting a baby.  Things can't go any other way.  She must and will have a child--and a child who looks just like his daddy and who will forever be a means of connecting her to her dead husband.  (Gotta have it, folks.  That's human interest stuff at it's best.  And your audience will love you forever!) 

 

Now the romance.  (And about time, too.  This story was getting downright boring!)  Enter tall handsome stranger.

Mysterious, handsome stranger, with shady past. (Wait!  Do you get the feeling we've been here before?  You don't think the readers will notice, do you?  NAH!!)

 

Our heroine is not yet ready to love again.  All her friends are very anxious that she should be because...well, good grief!  I DON'T KNOW!  *scratches head in bewilderment*  Forget the whys of it, that's how it is.  Just write it.

 

But whether she's ready to love again or not, one thing is certain, our heroine has not by any means lost her former taste for argument.  In fact, she  has plentiful and heated arguments with the new handsome stranger as soon as he appears on the scene...and the village clerk begins to write up the marriage certificate.   (Or if he doesn't he should.  Because let's face it.  There's no point in delaying the inevitable.  Second marriages will happen whether you want them to or not.)  

 

And so the wedding bells ring once again, and all is happiness and joy!  Only...SHOCKER!  The happiness stays put this time!  (But only because someone finally came to their senses and decided enough was enough.  Thus ending the story and putting us out of our misery.)

 

THE END.



In keeping with the romantic theme for February...let's talk proposals

Hey, girls!  Here's a question for you.  Have you ever considered how you would like your future husband to propose to you?  You HAVEN'T?!  My dear girls, WHY NOT?  This is essential to your happiness.  You'd better think it through and come up with a good plan--and then be sure to let all your closest friends and family know so that they can give the proper hints to your intended whenever he happens to come on the scene--because a proposal is a HUGE big deal, and it must be special and memorable and absolutely perfect. 

(Don't tell me I'm being sarcastic.  I know that.)

 

Let's consider a few options.

 

~The Scenic Walk Proposal~

 

This one's a definite winner.  Nice and simple.  No fuss and feathers.  Just thank him profusely for some gentlemanly act of his, and then make it as clear as clear can be that the bad opinion you once had of him is now entirely reversed.  He may not go down on one knee and say all sorts of silly romantic things to you but...who cares?  The look of relief and happiness on his face when you say "yes" is sure to make up for all that.

 

~Romance in the Rain~

If you're going for a more epically romantic setting, I suggest you order in some rain.  Because who wouldn't choose to have this conversation of conversations while drenched to the skin, huddled under a tiny umbrella, with water dripping from the ends of your hair and down into your face, and...I mean really!  What could be more pleasant and delightful than that? 

 

~The Living Room Proposal~

 

 

Some may say this is not a proper proposal at all simply because it's too simple, but I say simple has it's place and sometimes simpler is better!  Just make sure you have a mom who's an expert at winking or this set up may not work for you all that well.

 

~The Picnic Proposal~

 

 

Now here's a nice setting for you.   Sitting down for a picnic under a large spreading tree, in front of a babbling, rippling brook.  You can't miss.  Your man is sure to be in the mood for proposing in such an environment.  Plus you will remember that place fondly for the rest of your life.  (Which is a key ingredient for a good proposal.  The place, the time, the day, everything, must be remembered vividly...forever.  Really.  It has to be that special, or it's a no go.) 

 

~The Well Thought Out, Overly Ambitious Proposal~

 

 

This is the kind of proposal every girl dreams of right?  Where the man puts so much thought and effort into the occasion that...ahem...one begins to wonder whether he didn't hire a film crew to arrange the whole thing for him.  But oh the romance of it!  And he even goes down on one knee.  Which is just so romantic because like nobody ever does that, am I right?!  *sigh*

 

(But what I really want to know is...how, when, and where did he scrounge up all those jars of candles?  Talk about being proposed to by candlelight.)  (Talk about excessive.)

 

 

 

 

~On Stage Proposal~

 

 

Speaking of going big on proposals, some men like to make a real slam-bang show of it.  Like taking you up on stage and proposing to you in front of a huge audience.  This is really romantic, especially when you had no idea it was coming.  I mean I know I've always wanted to have a thousand pairs of eyes on me as my man bursts into a romantic song (or simply goes down on one knee in that oh so original fashion.) 

 

~That Stranger in the Barnyard~

 

For those of you who are getting older and more desperate, do consider setting aside your romantic ideals.  Just say yes to that outspoken stranger who comes upon you as you're milking the cow in the dirty old barnyard.  Who cares about appearances and beautiful settings and all that?  Grab that man up and deal with the consequences thereafter.  (Because, you know.  As long as you don't get that sinking feeling after saying yes, you should be good, right?)

 

~The Prison Proposal~

 

 

Alright I admit, this one is leaning strongly on the side of the unconventional.  But you're really desperate now.  So forget about waiting for his proposal.  Propose to him!  And don't take into account the fact that he's in prison and extremely depressed about his current situation, just do it.  After all, not every proposal can end in a happily ever after, and what's life without a little risk?  (Hint: After this failed attempt go and find some way to lose all your money.  I guarantee, it'll help tremendously.)

*****

 

Well I guess that about covers it.   You should be able to come up with a satisfactory proposal idea from these examples, I should think.  And if not, well, write to me and I'll try and come up with something better.  There's always the "carrying the girl off by force" technique.  That's proven to have good results.

 

Take it from the Pontipees.

And maybe after all you would prefer such a unique approach.  (Girls have been be known to prefer sillier things.)  In which case, give me your guy's contact information and I'll let him know how things stand.  Just leave it to me.  I'll arrange everything.  I only suggest that you be on the alert for cat calls in the night, open windows, and other similarly dangerous situations.

 

Okay enough of the silliness.  Let's be serious. 

 

If you had to choose between the above mentioned proposals (the settings, not the situations...like if you want to be proposed to in a barnyard by someone you actually know that can definitely be an option) which would you choose? 

 

Do you like the idea of a public declaration in front of loads of people, or do you prefer something more intimate, just between you and your man?  Do want your guy to put a lot into it and plan out a whole big event, or would you prefer something simple and spontaneous?  We really must hash out these details because you never know when they might come in handy.

 

For me personally, I'm very much leaning toward the relaxed, spontaneous approach.  And furthermore, I think I'm pretty much decided that I do not want him to go down on one knee.  I know that's supposed to be the proper, romantic way to do it, but when everybody does it, it kind of loses it's romantic charm.  (In my opinion anyway.) 

 

So yeah, if I had to choose, I think it would be a toss-up between the Scenic Walk Proposal and the Living Room Proposal.  Because I like simple.  And if he doesn't give me a ring right away I'm okay with that, too.  In fact, my sisters and I have decided that it would be rather fun to have your guy propose to you and then say, "Alright.  Now we're going on a date to pick out your ring!"  And you'd get to go and pick it out with him.  I mean, wouldn't that just be really sweet?

 

Okay, I think I've rambled on long enough.  If you're still in doubt as to the purpose of this post well...that makes two of us.   I propose we end it here and think no more of it.  What do you say?