Random life stuff + some possibly exciting news. (Wait for it.)

Well, friends, it appears my plan to post more often by giving myself a break from commenting did not exactly fly sky high.  Here I am over a month since my last post and I find myself entirely out of the blogging rhythm. 

 

Where do I even begin?

 

There's so much I need to catch up on that I find myself opting for the 'all or nothing' plan. Which sadly tends to fall heavily toward the 'nothing', if you know what I mean.  Making plans for getting caught up on everything simply has a tendency to paralyze a person and then there's nothing for it but to do...nothing at all.  (I'm quite good at that, I have to admit.)
 

But anyway, I'm here today to write something.

 

And something today I shall write.

 

So for what it's worth (if it's worth anything) here goes.

 

 ~Work~

 

Work.  Jobs.  Working at my jobs.  You get the picture.  I've been doing a lot of that recently.  Not that to some of you it would seem like all that much probably.  I mean I only work around twenty hours a week on average, which isn't all that much really, but to me...whew!  It wears me out!  

I will keep this brief because you're probably super tired of hearing about this never-ending job saga of mine.  And super confused too over all the different jobs I keep mentioning.  (By this point you probably haven't a clue whether I'm working at MacDonald's or starting a career in nursing!)  Well, it's true.  It has been crazy.  Quite a jumbled, confusing mess at times really.  But thankfully I think I'm finally beginning to settle into my jobs a bit more, so hopefully I will be staying put for the foreseeable future. 

 

Allow me to fill you in quick.  Last you heard I was working two jobs.  One at a Retreat Center and one at a local café.  Well, since then I've gotten another job.  I am now also working at a small motel which is actually right across the street from the café.  The people who own it attend our church so that's how we got connected.  (Also my older sister works there two days a week which is what gave me the idea to apply in the first place.)

 

I am not, however, working three jobs.  Though you may have thought that was the case, due to the fact that two jobs plus one job does usually add up to three jobs.  Isn't that right?  Well yes, but you see I quit my job at the Retreat Center so now we're back to two.  *grins at my superior math skills* 

It was kind of sad leaving the Retreat Center, but at the same time I think it was the right move.  They were cutting back hours anyway so it was a logical time to do it and working three jobs would have been ridiculous!! One of the main reasons for this change was because I wanted a more consistent schedule, and so far that's been working out pretty well.  I am now working Wednesdays and Thursdays at the café and Friday and Saturdays at the motel.  Plus occasional Sundays at both places. 

I still fret about having to go to work some days.  *Insert my family rolling their eyes at me*  But look!  That's just something we're going to have to learn to accept, okay?  Because honestly, what person in their right mind would actually prefer going to work over staying home?  Like really!  (Okay, I know there are some that would, but I just happen not to be one of them.  Call me lazy if you want.  I prefer to see it as the result of a higher and nobler calling.  People put a lot of effort into making homes comfortable and pleasant.  Somebody ought to be enjoying them!)

Alright.

 

Job update.  Done.

 

Let's move on.

 

 

 

~Reading~

 

I started a new book recently, and as usual I've been taking my sweet old time getting through it.  I'd like to share a snippet with you because when I come across something witty I like to share it.  And this was definitely witty.

 

This is from the book Sylvie and Bruno by Lewis Carol (first Lewis Carol book I've ever read).  And here's a quick background on the scene:  My Lady's obnoxious son has just been bodily removed from the room by the Lord Chancellor...without my Lady's knowledge.  The rest is as follows.

 

"But where is my precious child?" my Lady enquired, as the four took their seats at the small side-table devoted to ledgers and bundles and bills. 

     "He left the room a few minutes ago--with the Lord Chancellor," the Sub-Warden briefly explained.

     "Ah!" said my Lady, graciously smiling on that high official.  "Your Lordship has a very taking way with children!  I doubt if any one could gain the ear of my darling Uggug so quickly as you can!"  For an entirely stupid woman, my Lady's remarks were curiously full of meaning, of which she herself was wholly unconscious.

     The Chancellor bowed, but with a very uneasy air.  "I think the Warden was about to speak," he remarked, evidently anxious to change the subject.

     But my Lady would not be checked.  "He is a clever boy," she continued with enthusiasm, "but he needs a man like your Lordship to draw him out!"

     The Chancellor bit his lips, and was silent.  He evidently feared that, stupid as she looked, she understood what she said this time, and was having a joke at his expense.  He might have spared himself all anxiety: whatever accidental meaning her words might have, she herself never meant anything at all.

 

Now you know the kind of thing that strikes me funny.

 

 

~Family~

 

We had a grand old Thanksgiving celebration this past Thursday.  My one brother whose living out of state now wasn't able to make it home, which was sad, but we had everyone else together including my married siblings and their families.  All told, 21 people.  It felt like a real celebration especially as my other brother--whose been away at Marine boot camp for the past three months--arrived home just in time to celebrate with us.  :) 

 

We had a lot of food of course, and we estimated that the turkey was about 30 pounds.  Did NOT eat the whole thing though.  We're not such huge eaters as that.

 

Family is the best!! I am so, SO grateful for mine!!

 

 

~Watching~

 

~Get Smart.  This is the currently popular TV show in our house these days.  Funny though.  We were watching a lot of Get Smart last November, too.  (I remember because it was a huge distraction from NaNoWriMo.)  You may be interested to know that it's just as much of a distraction this time around.  And just as entertaining.  :)

 

~All Creatures Great and Small.  This one is sort of an ongoing thing.  We're currently working our way through the first season for something like the third or fourth time.  Great show!

 

~Ma and Pa Kettle Go to Town.  Watched this last Saturday night.  Hilarious!  (And my brother has since been perfecting his "Pa Kettle" voice, which has proved to be quite amusing.)

 

~Boy Meets World.  Started watching this show at my brother's house several weeks ago.  It was a lot better than I was expecting!  I'm looking forward to seeing more.

 

~Beauty and the Beast.  You know what I mean.  That new live-action thing that came out recently.  Yeah, that one.  My opinion of it?  Well...it wasn't bad, but it was kind of lame, too.  What do you say to my writing a review of it?  (By which I mean, a post where I lay into it and criticize everything I can lay my hands on?  Good idea?  Let me know in the comments!  :) Heehee.)

 

 

~In other news~

 

Alright, so the title of this post.  You may have noticed that I said something about some possibly exciting news.  Well, are you ready for that?  (No skimming ahead now.  Read things in order.  That's the way it must be done!)

 

Okay.  So...

 

(Patience my friends.)

To begin with...

 

(Don't read so fast.  Good things take time, you know.  Good news will keep and all that.)

 

Okay.  I think I'm ready for this...

*clears throat*

....

*shifts about in chair*

...

*looks sheepishly and nervously about*

....

*blushes*

....

Alright fine!  I'm doing this!

....

My dear friends...

What if I told you that it hasn't been just my jobs that's been keeping me so busy lately?
 

What if I told you that I've been absent on far more pleasant business?

 

What if I told you that this has been one of the most whirl-wind, exciting months of my life?

That I have in fact met someone?

A very special someone.

A young man who I just might be a little bit in love with and who's the sweetest, kindest soul imaginable.  And whose become my very dearest friend.

What if I told you that...I'M IN AN OFFICIAL RELATIONSHIP AND THINGS ARE MOVING ALONG SUPER QUICKLY?!

There could be wedding bells before too long.  (Maybe.  Who knows?)

Wait for it...

What if I told you all that?

Would you believe me?

Or would you simply remember that I'm a chronic joker?

 

Who has no business being a part of civilized society.

 

 

Yup.  It was a joke, people. 

 

The whole thing.

 

I don't have a boyfriend.

Not even close.

 

But HAHAHAHA!  Wasn't that a marvelous gag?  I totally pulled that one over on you didn't I??  Come on now.  Tell me you didn't squeal a little and get all excited at my "news"?

 

 

Congratulate me on my cleverness!! Aren't I so very funny today??

 

La-la-leelalee.  Miss March is so very funny!

 

(Okay.  I kind of get the feeling that you're all glowering at me right now.) 

Don't look at me like that. 

Can't a lonely single girl have a little fun with her lonely single state? 

I thought it was fun. 

Alright. 

I'm ashamed of myself. 

Punish me, please!  Shoot me.  Kick me.  (Only you can't because you can't reach me, mwahaha!)  Banish me forever from the blogging world then!  I deserve it. 

Good-bye.

*waves a sorrowful and "last" farewell*

*but really just goes off chuckling*

 

Moments in Fiction: Clever and Humorous Descriptions

Here I am with another Moments in Fiction post.  I've called this edition "Clever and Humorous Descriptions" because the excerpts here included are...just that.  Clever and humorous descriptions.  What I mean is, it's not so much the subject itself that is hilarious in these passages, as it is the way the author chooses to describe it.  

Now you may not find these selections as diverting as I did (though if that be the case, I must ask, where's your sense of humor?  --Haha! Jut kidding) but I do hope they will prove of some interest to one or another of you.  And particularly to you, Cordy, as this is the post I promised you months ago.  (Sorry it's taken me so long to actually publish it.  Procrastination really is a thing!  Also lack of inspiration...motivation...dedication...you get the idea.) 
 

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen

After a proper resistance on the part of Mrs. Ferrars, just so violent and so steady as to preserve her from that reproach which she always seemed fearful of incurring, the reproach of being too amiable, Edward was admitted to her presence, and pronounced to be again her son.

     Her family had of late been exceedingly fluctuating.  For many years of her life she had had two sons; but the crime and annihilation of Edward, a few weeks ago, had robbed her of one; the similar annihilation of Robert had left her for a fortnight without any; and now, by the resuscitation of Edward, she had one again.

     In spite of his being allowed once more to live, however, he did not feel the continuance of his existence secure, till he revealed his present engagement; for the publication of that circumstance, he feared might give a sudden turn to his constitution, and carry him off as rapidly as before.

Okay, so I hardly know what to say about this, except that, goodness me! This is my kind of humor!  Such creative cleverness to liken Edward's disinherited state to a state of actual decease, and to talk of the publication of his most recent engagement as possibly giving a "sudden turn to his constitution, and [carrying] him off as rapidly as before." *amused chuckle* Seriously, who writes stuff like that?  Precious few of our modern day authors, I'd say.  And it's such a shame because this kind of description adds so much personality to a story (in my humble opinion).  It can turn the most commonplace description into a delightful treat! 

*****

Mary Barton by Elizabeth Gaskell

In the luxurious library, at the well-spread breakfast-table, sat the two Mr. Carsons, father and son.  Both were reading--the father a newspaper, the son a review--while they lazily enjoyed their nicely prepared food.  The father was a prepossessing-looking old man; perhaps self-indulgent you might guess.  The son was strikingly handsome, and knew it.  His dress was neat and well appointed, and his manners far more gentlemanly than his father's.  He was the only son, and his sisters were proud of him; his father and mother were proud of him; he could not set up his judgment against theirs; he was proud of himself.

I don't know about you, but I literally laughed out loud when I came to the end of that last sentence.  It took me so by surprise.  I just love the way Elizabeth Gaskell chose to describe this character, because honestly, she could have kept it simple and merely written, "His sisters were proud of him; his father and mother were proud of him; and he was proud of himself."  But would that have been as interesting?  No indeed!  By adding in that little jab regarding his unwillingness to "set up his judgment" against that of his family's, the author comes at us from a side-wind, bringing a spark of humor to the mix, and almost (it seems) having a laugh herself at her character's expense.   Love it!

*****

Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain

"...And now you wouldn't mind telling me and this lady some of the things you've learned--no, I know you wouldn't--for we are proud of little boys that learn.  Now, no doubt you know the names of all the twelve disciples.  Won't you tell us the names of the first two that were appointed?"
     Tom was tugging at a button-hole and looking sheepish.  He blushed, now, and his eyes fell.  Mr. Walters's heart sank within him.  He said to himself, it is not possible that the boy can answer the simplest question--why did the Judge ask him?  Yet he felt obliged to speak up and say:
     "Answer the gentleman, Thomas--don't be afraid."
     Tom still hung fire.
     "Now I know you'll tell me," said the lady.  "The names of the first two disciples were ----"
     "DAVID AND GOLIATH!"
     Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of the scene.

It's that blunt, ending statement that makes this passage so hilarious.  Not that the passage wasn't humorous in and of itself, but that small tag on the end is like the icing on the cake.  And it's so cool, too.  For here's the author himself suddenly appearing before you on the page and saying, "let's have pity on our poor hero.  Let's close the scene."  And you can just hear, beneath those sympathetic words, the author chuckling to himself over his character's sorry predicament.   (And if the author's chuckling, how can you possibly keep yourself from doing so? ;)) This is what I call clever writing.  For though it's obvious the last sentence is not needed in order to further the plot of the story, yet it serves a very important purpose by giving the reader an extra laugh and making the passage that much more memorable.  (That line has in fact been a favorite quote of my brother's for years!  I always think of him when I read it.)

*****

Penrod by Booth Tarkington

     Thus began the Great Tar Fight, the origin of which proved, afterward, so difficult for parents to trace, owing to the opposing accounts of the combatants.  Marjorie said Penrod began it; Penrod said Mitchy-Mitch began it; Sam Williams said Georgie Bassett began it; Georgie and Maurice Levy said Penrod began it; Roderick Bitts, who had not recognized his first assailant, said Sam William began it.

     Nobody thought of accusing the barber.  But the barber did not begin it; it was the fly on the barber's nose that began it--though, of course something else began the fly.  Somehow we never manage to hang the real offender.

Okay, so apparently it's the ending sentences I'm hitting on today.  Why?  Well, because that's where the punch line is, I guess.  "Somehow we never manage to hang the real offender."  Seriously people, if that passage didn't at least make you smile to yourself, I don't know what I'm going to do with you, because that was FUNNY!  Really!  It WAS!  (Well, at any rate, I thought so.)  I just love how the author calmly inserts that statement at the end.  It's a joke, of sorts, but at the same time so ridiculously true, as I think we can safely say, every event in life is triggered by something that came before it.  And of course we could go back in time endlessly trying to figure out who actually began it, but we'll have small success in that regard, for by the time we've arrived at the source, we won't have a clue where we are anymore!  (Which is probably how you're feeling right about now, as that last sentence was most painfully confusing.  And to own the truth, I'm no longer sure where I'm going with this so...just agree with me.  That was a humorous bit of writing.  Wasn't it? Wasn't it? Right.  Thank you.)
  

 

Do you like this kind of humor in writing?

Have you ever come across a modern day novel with this style of description?

(Because if you have, you MUST tell me about it!)

Can you think of any similar passages in any of your favorite books?

(And no, you do not have to answer all of these questions.  I'm just putting them out there in case you'd like to!)





A Random Little Rhyme for a Random Little Time (Don't tell me. I know. That was a silly title for a post.)

But anyway,  what does it matter?  This is a silly post.  Silly title.  Silly post.  They go together, right?  Right. (Well, well, well...sorry, I just got this silly song in my head.  Don't worry, though, I won't go there.  A silly post and a silly title is quite enough silliness for one day.  No need to overdo it by adding silly singing to the mix. ;))
 

Anyway!  On to the point of this post.  My brother was skimming through a poem book by Ogden Nash last night and he came across this poem.  Naturally, my sister and I were curious to know what it was about when we heard him laughing over it, and so he agreed to read it aloud to us.  I found it highly amusing.  And I hope you will, too, because that's why I'm here-- to share it with you. (Oh, that's alright.  Don't mention it.  I like to share.)    

 

 

That Hat's Got my Tongue

By Ogden Nash

 

 

A girl, oh a girl is a wonderful thing,

And so I am happy to say is spring,

And a girl in spring is the absolute works

But for one conspicuous item that irks:

That hat.

 

 

A girl in spring is a skylark's hymn,

An evensong in a cloister dim,

A moon in June and a dove in love,

But why the discordant detail above:
 

That hat?

 

 

The crocuses put their best feet foremost,

The softest, tenderest raindrops pour most,

Nature walks forth in a robe of dawn,

And you, my love, what do you put on?
 

That hat.

 

Purple the lilac and green the oaks,

Is spring the time for a milliner's hoax?

Your taste, methought, simply hibernated;

But what did I get when for spring I waited?
 

That hat.

 

 

A girl, oh a girl is a wonderful thing,

And so I am happy to say is spring,

And you are what I adore the sight of;

That hat is what I adore you in spite of--
 

Take it off and let's jump on it!

 

 

 

Have a lovely spring day, my friends! (With no hats.)

 

 

Sincerely,

Miss March

 

Living in a World where "Love Comes Softly" ~What to Expect (and a Bit of Friendly Advice)~

 

To the Ladies:

1. First off, you will have romance.  Plenty of it.  Love doesn't merely come softly in this series, it comes frequently.  So don't worry about the possibility of being a lonely, unhappy woman all your days, because it's just not going to happen.

2. When your first husband dies, don't get discouraged, there's another one just around the corner.  (Seriously.  There is.  Every single time.)

3.  If a man--a  total stranger, mind you, who you only met like two minutes ago--makes you an offer of marriage for the convenience of you both, don't hesitate.   Say yes.  You may think marrying without love is a hard and depressing prospect, but nothing could be further from the truth.  It is a proven fact that marriages of convenience are your safest bet for a successful and happy matrimonial state.  (I'm not kidding!  All the books say so.  Ask any book you like.)  

4. You're faced with two suitors.  One is rich and says many sweet and flattering things to you, the other is a mysterious nobody who thinks he knows how to plow a field better than you do.  (Imagine that!)  And now, it seems, you're having trouble deciding between them. 

Honestly!  Where's the dilemma?  If you have any sense of romance in you at all you should know by now that the mysterious stranger always wins out over the flattering rich man.  That's so obvious.  (And besides, the mystery man just happens to be  your childhood enemy--go figure--AND...he's still carrying around the hair ribbons he took from you during your school years, so really!  How could there be any room for doubt?  If that's not love, tell me...what is?)

5.  Expect to have a complete makeover at some point during your married life.  And I mean a COMPLETE makeover.  In fact, there may be very little resemblance to your former self at all, but that's okay.  That's the way the world goes.

Get the picture?

6.  As a child you may be able to make fried chicken, but don't worry you'll get straightened out as you get older.   By the time you're married you'll have forgotten all about that, and will have mastered the art of burning your biscuits black and generally making food which is unfit to eat--just as every proper heroine should.

 

7.   You're a brunette, that is true.  And that isn't the style, certainly, for all your female predecessors have been blondes.  But calm down.  It's okay.  Remember the makeover.  By hook or by crook (or by wig, or by dye, or by...SOMETHING), you will be a blonde by the end of the series.

 



Yeah.  That's more like it!



 

8.  The story is drawing to a close.  You're in love with the nicest young man you've ever met, but your lives are taking two different directions.  The situation seems hopeless.  Time is running out, and soon you'll be separated from him forever--never having been able to tell him how much you truly care. 

     STOP stressing out.  Please.  You're driving me nuts.  Just calm yourself and wait for the final scene.  That's when your man will suddenly realize he can't live without you and come dashing by on his horse to bring you back.  I'm telling you, these men never can afford to lose a triumphant ending, even for your peace of mind.  So relax.  You're going to enjoy that romantic moment when it comes. 

 

To the Gentlemen:  

1.  Don't freak out over the argument you just had with the heroine.  That's your key to success.  Keep it up.  A heroine always falls for the guy who argues with her. 

2.  Um...a bit of friendly advice here.  You might want to think twice before marrying that girl.  You see, she's never been married before and that means you'll be her first husband, and uh, sorry to break it to you but...first husbands die, and that is a fact.   (Take for example, Marty's first husband, Missie's first husband, and Belinda's first husband.  Bing. Bing. Bing.  Dead. Dead. Dead.  I'm telling you, that's a rather disconcerting pattern.)

 

 

3.  Throughout the course of the story, expect to receive a lot of good advice from a man named Clark.  He's a man who always has something vital to say.  Also I suggest that you listen to him and take his advice, because he's obviously very smart.  (After all, he's the only "first husband" to survive a marriage, and that's saying a lot.)

 

4.  Make sure when you get married that you move away from your wife's family.  Not because you don't like them, but because it proves your independence and manhood...or maybe just because it provides that tearfully happy ending which is highly important for drama.

 

5.  The girl you marry will be a feisty, independently-minded woman.  Depend upon it.  That's the only kind there is. 

 

6.  And finally, if you happen to be one of those privileged men who falls in love with a widow, all I have to say is congratulations!  You are now guaranteed to live a long and happy life!  

 

 

The End.

 

Memory Nest

 

(Picture found on Pinterest) 

Emma has 'pecked' me for the Memory Nest tag.  If you'd like a few more details on it, please see her post.

The Rules: 

 

1. thank the person who 'pecked' you.  (Thank you, Emma!)

2. list five things that start with "when I grow up and have my own house..." (they can be true, or utterly ridiculous, whatever you feel like writing :-))

3. 'peck' one other person and let them know that you have done so.

1.  When I grow up and have my own house...I'm going to stop eating so much sugar because I just know that having my own house is going to magically give me the discipline which I now lack.  (And until that happy time comes, I'll enjoy my cookie--because I deserve it for making such a noble resolution.)

2.  When I grow up and have my own house...I'm going to have lots and lots of children.  And I'm going to handle all the chaos with grace and ease...and even ENJOY it!  I can see myself now: pulling a pan of well-baked bread out of the oven, while balancing my one-year-old girl on my hip, and calling to my little son to "wait a moment!  Mommy will be right there."  Oh! such bliss!  No, I'm serious! I like the feeling of being a busy, bustling housewife, with so many things to do! 

3.  When I grow up and have my own house...everything will be in spotless order, because I can't stand a messy house.  My children won't have trouble picking up after themselves because they will only have one toy a piece.  It's simpler that way.   (Just kidding.  I'm not that cruel.)

4.  When I grow up and have my own house...I will get enormous amounts of writing and housework down all in the space of time designated for my children's afternoon naps.  (Don't ask me how.) 

5. When I grow up and have my own house...I'll probably faint from exhaustion.

 

 

I peck...Natalie.

 

Why I Would Never be Chosen to be the Heroine in a Romance Novel

Quite frankly, because I do not follow the rules.  From my own experience with reading romance novels (and this is not all-comprehensive because of course I haven't read every romance novel that is out there) I have come to my own conclusions as to what constitutes a typical heroine, and--in my opinion--I simply do not fit the criteria.  

1. To begin with, I am NOT drop-dead gorgeous.  This is highly unacceptable for a heroine, and is therefore a pretty heavy mark in my disfavor.

Yeah.  This is not me.  (By the way, I'm not necessarily saying that Mary Crawley is drop-dead gorgeous...but apparently the gentlemen in her life seem to think she is, so I guess she's a pretty good example.)

 

2.  I can cook, believe it or not.  I am not a great cook, but, sadly, I can make food that is fit to eat...which is not heroine-like at all.

3.  I am a bit sassy, which is good.  But unfortunately, I do not make a habit of being sassy to complete strangers, so I'm afraid that leaves me little to no hope of ever attracting a true hero.

4.  I have a horrible habit of thinking before I speak.  This makes conversations and their outcomes very lame indeed, and allows no room for misunderstandings with the hero.

5.  Also, I seem to have been very misinformed as a child, and have grown up thinking that if a misunderstanding does happen to arise between me and the-man-of-my-dreams, the proper way to fix the situation is simply to talk to him about it.  I see now that, that is a very juvenile--not to mention irregular--idea.  Talking through one's problems is not proper behavior for a heroine.  AT ALL.  (I'm sorry.  I guess I'm just a mess.)

6.  I like to read, but I am not an excessive reader, which fact is a plain mark against me, for every heroine MUST have her nose stuck in a book at all times...it's just the right way to be.  And on top of that I am not a huge fan of poetry, which is totally unromantic.

(Anne would never approve.)

7.  I am a very sensible person.  I do not get overly excited about things and am not the dreamy type who's always got her head stuck in the clouds.  This is a failing indeed.  It makes me much too level headed and hinders me from making those kind of silly mistakes which every heroine ought to make in order to further the suspense of the story.

8.  I am not prone to argue with men I have just met, which makes it impossible for me to get acquainted with the hero in the proper and accepted fashion.

9. I do not like men with big muscles.  Oh, I do like men who are strong--of course--but I would much prefer their muscles to be quiet about it and not shout from the roof tops how amazingly strong and powerful they are. 

10. Here's another thing.  Would you believe it?  I have never in my life been asked out on a date by anyone!  This is a glaring representation of my lack of heroine qualities, for everyone knows that a heroine must be proposed to at least ten times throughout the course of the story.  (Alright, so that's a slight exaggeration.  But she must at least have two or three gentlemen vying for her attention at the same time...that's a fact.  And me?  Well, I haven't even got one.)

11.  I also have this problem with listening to people when they're trying to explain their side of an issue.  I know.  It's terrible.  It doesn't help at all with making a  complicated plot.  But, somehow--I don't know--I just can't seem to help it.  That's just the way I am.

 

~*~

 

So you see?  I would be an author's worst nightmare. 

 

First she would try to get me and the hero together by expounding upon my unimaginable beauty.  But as that is just what it is...unimaginable...the hero himself would never fall for it.

 

Secondly, she would throw us together into a perfect situation where I would easily be able to display my  independent spirit (which is always so attractive to a hero), my brilliant wit, and my charming sassiness.  But I would be too overcome with habits of politeness and decorum, that the whole scenario would end with him thinking me a most commonplace individual, indeed.

 

Thirdly, the author would try the old argument trick.  Get the hero and heroine into a fight upon their first meeting, and you'll be guaranteed a wedding by the end of the book.  However...I don't argue--not with gentlemen I have just met.  So I'm afraid that would be a failure, too.

 

Finally, the poor author would have to fall back on the old childhood friend/turned lover scenario.  But...

 

...I haven't got a childhood friend.  (Oops.)

 

Yep, no Mr. Knightly.  :(

 

 

So there you have it.

 

 

 A perfectly hopeless candidate for the position of a romantic heroine.  :D