Romantic storytelling in a nutshell

From all the vast exploration and research I've done over the years regarding romance novels and romantic films, I've decided today to provide you with a brief but comprehensive overview of what you can expect to typically find in a story of this nature.  I hope this will prove enlightening and even educational, especially for those of you who wish to pursue a career in romantic storytelling and who are perhaps wondering where to begin and what specific themes to focus on.  Here's a tried and true, never fails, solid check-list for you to go off of. 

You're welcome.

 

~*~

 

The heroine.  Strong, independent, and beautiful.  Also very, very unique.  The hero has never come across such a woman before and neither have you or your readers.  (Just swallow it.)

 

The hero.  A charming and mysterious gentleman.  With a past.  ('Cause yeah, nobody ever had one of those before!  'Twill be a definite page turner!)

The heroine meets the hero.  They have a MAJOR argument and HATE each other very much indeed.  Actually, the heroine only thinks she hates the hero--really she's in love with him...on the spot...just like that...but she won't admit it not even to herself--and as for the hero, he only puts on a front of disliking her...he knows full well he's a goner.  (As well he should be.  For no man can resist the heroine.  No man whatever in the history of...of ever.)

The hero and heroine will remain so-called enemies for as long as they can, but eventually they will  back down and admit their feelings for each other.  Indeed they will.  For they cannot help it.  Fate, people.

And thus, the plot thickens!!

Then come all the ups and downs.  All the miscommunications.  The hurt feelings, followed by beautiful moments of making up--which are however ruined by those extenuating circumstances beyond their control which somehow forever continue to come and joggle and boggle and foggle things up, keeping them from each other until...yeah...*deep sigh of exhaustion*...it's time.  Just get 'em married.

 

And so the wedding bells ring!  Happiness, bliss and happily ever after, until...

Uh oh... 

(Yes, you must always have just one more thing to ruin the happiness of your characters.   This will infuriate your readers to no end, but believe me it must be done.)  (Don't ask.  Just do!)

...of all the tragic, unexpected phenomenon, the hero dies!  (Who would have thought it???!!) 

(Let us have a moment of silence to mourn his untimely departure.)

(Got that out of your system?  Okay, good.  Let's get back to romance.)

*Pause*  But first!  Before the romance, we need to talk baby.  Because our heroine is of course expecting a baby.  Things can't go any other way.  She must and will have a child--and a child who looks just like his daddy and who will forever be a means of connecting her to her dead husband.  (Gotta have it, folks.  That's human interest stuff at it's best.  And your audience will love you forever!) 

 

Now the romance.  (And about time, too.  This story was getting downright boring!)  Enter tall handsome stranger.

Mysterious, handsome stranger, with shady past. (Wait!  Do you get the feeling we've been here before?  You don't think the readers will notice, do you?  NAH!!)

 

Our heroine is not yet ready to love again.  All her friends are very anxious that she should be because...well, good grief!  I DON'T KNOW!  *scratches head in bewilderment*  Forget the whys of it, that's how it is.  Just write it.

 

But whether she's ready to love again or not, one thing is certain, our heroine has not by any means lost her former taste for argument.  In fact, she  has plentiful and heated arguments with the new handsome stranger as soon as he appears on the scene...and the village clerk begins to write up the marriage certificate.   (Or if he doesn't he should.  Because let's face it.  There's no point in delaying the inevitable.  Second marriages will happen whether you want them to or not.)  

 

And so the wedding bells ring once again, and all is happiness and joy!  Only...SHOCKER!  The happiness stays put this time!  (But only because someone finally came to their senses and decided enough was enough.  Thus ending the story and putting us out of our misery.)

 

THE END.



"These are the things that upset me!"

In other words, this is a post about some very random (but oh so very vital) movie pet peeves of mine.  Those storylines, characters, situations, or what-have-you, that send me running for my soap box...or in more desperate situations begin the creative juices for my next novel in which I'm determined to right all wrongs, and do things the way they were supposed to be done!! 

 

(I warn you in advance, this post will most likely have very little rhyme or reason to it.  I'm just going to plunge right in, so goodness knows where we'll end up.)

 

 

1. When a child loves her pet so much that her father's inability to save it from dying causes her to turn her back on her father and be totally cold and unresponsive to him.  Like...grrrrrrr!  I'm sorry, guys, but this makes me so, so mad!!  You can't love a cat more than you love your dad!!  I mean if your dad is really cruel to you or something, then maybe...but the situation of which I speak was not that way, and I consider it very unnatural for a small child to throw away the love of her father simply because he didn't fix her cat!  (Pardon me while I go let off some steam...)

 

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!

 

(P.S.  The movie I'm referring to is an old Disney film entitled The Three Lives of Thomasina.  I had hopes of it being a good movie because it has the kids from Mary Poppins in it...but unfortunately my hopes were dashed.  Yes indeedy, this movie left much to be desired.)

 

2. When a stupid cat that you care nothing about is somehow supposed to be the great heroine of the story...while all the time she's just very obnoxious and you find yourself wishing whole-heartedly that she would find some way to choke, drown, shoot herself, or...or...something!  Just so as we could be rid of her for good and all.  (The Three lives of Thomasina again.  What can I say?  That movie clearly does not bring out the best in me.)

 

3. When girl falls in love with guy and guy falls in love with girl but...oopsy!! Guy is already married.  How are we supposed to get out of this mess??? 

Don't worry.  It's actually quite simple.  Guy's wife is of course nasty and mean which draws our sympathy against her in favor of the true love that guy and girl share...so...the solution?   Quite simple really.  Wife is in the way.  Wife must die.  (Or get a divorce.  *shrugs* That works, too.)   So it's done, and we all go forth happy because once again true love has won!!! 

 

UGH AND DOUBLE UGH!!! 



I'm thinking primarily of this couple here...



...and this couple, whose names I can't remember but who made me very, very mad.  Bad, bad, bad.)

 

Seriously.  Just once I'd like to see a story where the man in question does not have a rotten wife, and where he actually comes to his senses, goes home, honors his marriage vows, and together he and his wife fix their marriage!  And furthermore a story in which we the audience are encouraged to support the marriage rather than the "fuzzy duzzy love-a-thingy."

 

I've said my piece.  I rest my case. 

 

4. The newly widowed heroine pursued by numberless suitors before her husband is cold in his grave.  And the whole "you must be open to love again" jargon.  Give me a break.  Wouldn't it be so refreshing to have a heroine who actually remained unmarried, and who wasn't pursued by every available man just as soon as her first love is out of the picture?  (coughcough...looking at you Love Comes Softly and When Calls the Heart...coughcough.)

 

She's joking, right?  I mean, second marriages, that's what we're all about.  You lose half the romance if you don't allow for a second marriage.  (I mean, literally, you do.)  Come on now!  How could you dare suggest such a thing?  *Very, very affronted at the mere idea* 

 

5.  When the hero falls for a manipulative and obnoxious girl, who the filmmakers don't even seem to realize is a totally annoying person.  You know, like when they think the annoying and obnoxious girl is like the heroine or something and that we're supposed to be happy this is happening!!  No thank you.  (And I'm sorry but I don't have a specific scenario in mind for this one, I just know I've seen this before...somewhere.)

6. When a wife decides not to share a very important bit of information with her husband because she wants to protect him...and all the time you know that's only going to make things worse, and that they're totally setting themselves up for more drama and heartache in the future, so you sit there screaming "COMMUNICATE PEOPLE! COMMUNCIATE!!"  But of course they don't because, I don't know *shrugs*...logical, intelligent thought never was their forte???

Or common sense is dead maybe.

 

Anyhow, I guess that's the end of my rant for today.  I sort of punched a hole in my soap box when I pounded my foot down too hard, and yeah, I kind of need to figure out how to extricate my foot from that painful situation.  Not that I can't endure pain--I mean, it's not like I'm a squeamish person or anything--but it's just a bit difficult walking around with ones foot in a box. 

I'm sure you understand.  

And now I shall leave you with these very intelligent parting words. 

Because as you all know, that's my motto in life.