Thursday, October 8, 2015

"It's Raining on Celia again."

"Then move Celia again!"
"There's no more dry places to move her."
~The Apple Dumpling Gang~

Oh, dear.  I'm awfully sorry to do this to all you dear people so soon after my last rainy day post, but I did promise to let you know if ever I needed to indulge in another one of these tear-filled rants, so here I am...true to my word.  

It's been raining an awful lot around here this past week.  And to be honest, my mood has matched the weather pretty much drop for drop.  You might say I've been having a bit of a personal downpour. 

Strike that.  I haven't actually been down-pouring.  In fact, I've been fairly calm without--the storm has just been brewing on the inside far more than is entirely comfortable.  You know how you can feel the rain in the air before it begins to pelt the ground?  Well, that's what it's like.  I'm an emotional rain cloud just waiting to burst. 

And yeah...there's precious few dry places to move to. 

I don't know how much to say for fear of saying too much, but if any of you out there have ever experienced adoption first hand, I think you'll understand.  I have four siblings who became a part of our family just over a year ago.  I'm not going to say that I regret adopting--because I don't (momentarily, maybe, but overall, no)--and I'm not going to say that I don't love my new siblings--because I do (even though I don't always feel it).  But there's no getting around it, life has been radically changed, and no matter how many times I tell myself that what we're doing is a good thing--that our situation could be a whole lot worse--and that we actually have been extremely blessed in the small of amount of issues we've had to deal with...still.  There are some days that are just downright hard, aggravating, and unpleasant.

It's hard melding two families into one.  It's HARD.  You don't have the same kind of relationship with your adopted siblings as you have with your biological siblings, and while you want to treat everyone the same and love your new siblings as much as your old siblings, somehow you just can't.  And I feel bad about that sometimes because I want to love them.  I want to feel as if they're truly a part of our family.  I want to enjoy being around them. 

But honestly, there are days when I don't feel any of that. 

I know a lot of it depends on me and my attitude.  My new siblings annoy me a lot, but I know that most times it's not really their fault.  It's mine.   Sure, they're not very tactful, nor very sensitive, nor overly observant of other people's needs.  But what can you expect?  They didn't have a good upbringing.  They didn't have parents who taught them to know the difference between right and wrong, from the time they were too little to talk.  They lived in a place where the strongest one wins, the weakest one loses, and it's every man for himself.  Really, what can you expect? 

And so, as I was struggling with feelings of frustration today, the thought occurred to me.  My new siblings don't know God like I do.  I've been a Christian since I was seven, and I've known God all my life.  They haven't.  With the huge head start I have on them, I really shouldn't be expecting them to meet me half way.  I have Jesus.  I need to be going more than half way.  Just like He did for me.

There.  I've just given myself some good advice.  (I feel like Alice in Wonderland...she's always giving herself advice, isn't she?)  Thanks everyone for letting me spout off.  (Not that you really let me, since I never asked for your permission, but...ahem.  Anyway.)

Note: The funny thing about blog posts is that they take me so long to write that by the time I get to the end of them I'm not feeling any of the emotions I was feeling when I started.  Actually, this post took me two days to write (or rather, edit) and here I am on the second day feeling quite happy and peaceful.  Adoption?  Ha!  It's a piece of cake!  ("You mean it ain't gold?"  ~Apple Dumpling Gang, again.  Sorry I must have that on the brain.)  No, of course I don't really mean that.  Adoption IS hard and I'll be feeling it in another hour no doubt, but for right now everything's really okay.  So, yeah, I probably don't even need to publish this post, but I think I will just because it took me so long to write.  It would be a shame to let all that time go to waste. 

"You can only come to the morning through the shadows."
~J.R.R. Tolkien

"And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."  Romans 5:3-5


  1. I don't mind at all! I'm glad you write these kinds of posts, it's so good to know one isn't alone.

    (I know! Oi with the rain already! Thankfully, our past few days have been absolutely gorgeous Indian summer ones, but we had a loooooooot of rain before that.)

    You'll be in my prayers! Hang in there. He is faithful, and He will see you through. I can't relate about adoption, but I COMPLETELY understand how it feels to be in a difficult family situation--those ones that call for tact when you don't feel you can have any more, for understanding when your patience is worn thin--that I understand. You're not alone! Thank you for this post.

    Oh, and APPLE DUMPLING GANG!!! I love that movie soooooo much:D "Amos, the Lord poured your brains in with a teaspoon and somebody joggled His arm!" "You trying to pass those kids off on me, mister? Or are ya working on something else?" ;D

    1. Aww, thanks, Olivia. I'm glad you don't mind. I don't want to complain too much or write depressing posts, but, you're right, it is nice to know that one isn't alone. We all have our struggles, and the only way we can encourage one another is if we share with one another.

      Indian summer? I think we're having some of those days here, too. (Only right now it's raining again, but anyway, it's still warm.) Believe it or not, I walked upstairs today and actually got a whiff of spring/summer. I was like "Hold it! We haven't even had winter yet!" Haha!

      Oh, Olivia! Thank you so much! You do understand. It certainly isn't adoption alone that makes for tough family situations. I'll be praying for you, too! You're right, God is faithful, and He will see us through. Our faith can really grow through these situations if we let it.

      Oh, my yes! The Apple Dumpling Gang is great! And that quote of Theodore's! Hahaha! Love that quote! There's a lot of hilarious quotes in that movie! :)

      ~Miss March

  2. Maybe it's just me, but I thought I saw this post pop up a week or so ago, and I was like, "Oh yes, I'll read that later!" and when I came back to read it, it was gone. :P Or maybe I'm thinking of something else. Anyway, you've published it and hopefully it'll stay there because *I* find nothing wrong with it at all. ;)
    Sometimes you just have to let out all those melancholy emotions (and joyful ones too!) with words, because I do that all. the. time. in my journal. :D Poor little journal, it's had to deal with a lot, haha. I can't say more than this: I can understand your pain as much as someone who has not adopted kids possibly can, and that I hope you'll take that marvellous advice you gave yourself. It really is good advice. ;) And also, that Bible verse at the end is so amazing. I love it. Thanks for the post.
    ~Miss Meg March

    1. Ahem. Yes, well, there was a post which popped up about a week or so ago, but it wasn't this one. I returned that one to the drafts because I wasn't satisfied with it, even after I'd published it. (It may appear at a later date, when I've edited it to my satisfaction...haha!) Oh, thank you for that! I'm so glad you find nothing wrong with this post. I have a terrible habit of second guessing myself. You know?

      Yes. It does really help to express one's feelings in writing. I'm not very good at journaling, but I guess a blog can be sort of like a journal. (I used to keep a journal, but it was pretty boring, and then I would always get paranoid about recording EVERYTHING! It was very frustrating. Heehee.)

      Thank you so much, Miss Meg, for your kind and encouraging comment! I appreciated it so much!!! :)

      ~Miss March

  3. Sheesh. I'm sorry you're down. It must be very hard, to suddenly have four new siblings! I can't imagine it. My mother has a cousin in America (Texas) who adopted five brothers - although I don't know them well at all, I can imagine how hard it is.

    God bless you!

    ~ Naomi

    1. Thank you, Naomi! You're a dear.

      ~Miss March

  4. Ohh, Miss March! Thank you for opening your heart to us through your blog post! And even if you didn't feel the "need" to publish it, I'm glad you did. Although adoration is foreign to me, I do know what it's like going through a really tough phase of life that seems to "never end", so I think I can relate to a little of what you're feeling. :( You're in my prayers, friend!!
    I love the Tolkien quote and the Bible verse. :)

    1. Oh, Natalie. Your friendship and sympathy mean so much to me. Thank you ever so much for your prayers and encouragement!