Friday, February 3, 2017

The Problem with Smoke Detectors

Three words.
 
They.  Don't.  Work.
 
Practically speaking, anyway. 
 
(For those of you who may be blissfully unaware of what a smoke detector is, let me enlighten you at once.  It is a small device used to detect the presence of smoke in one's house and to let off an ear-splitting screech whenever it has found some; thereby ensuring your safety in the case of a house fire.)
 
(What it really is, though, is a small device made to screech at you whenever you're cooking in the kitchen, toasting a piece of toast, enjoying a summer breeze through your open window (when there may possibly be a bit of smoke across the street...a neighbor's BBQ perhaps?), and doing nothing but sleeping peacefully in your bed.) 
 
Oh!  Smoke detectors are excellent at detecting smoke.  Yes indeed.  So good in fact, they can detect it when it isn't even there!!  -Ahem-  And therein lies the problem. I don't know if it's because we have faulty smoke detectors or what, but they certainly are setting a dangerous precedent. 
 
For example.  The smoke detector went off last night just outside my room.  And what did I do?  Did I jump up and fall into our previously planned fire-exit plan?  No.  I lay there and waited for it to stop.  And when it did I had every intention of rolling over and going right back to sleep except that it started screeching again,  and that was annoying.  So I got out of bed and with the help of my mom and brother removed the battery and made it shut up. 
 
You see what the problem is?  How can one ever trust a smoke detector when all it ever does is "cry wolf"? 
 
...Oh dear.  Not again.  WHO'S BURNING THE TOAST?!
 
"Not me."
 
Disclaimer:  This was written merely as a means of indulging my strange sense of humor.  I am by no means saying that you should not have smoke detectors in your house.  No indeed.  Please do make sure you've taken the necessary precautions to make your house a safe place.  (After all, it wouldn't surprise me if these smoke detectors worked properly for everyone else, and it was only my family who had trouble of this kind.  Ha! It would be just our sort of luck.  *wink, wink*)

30 comments:

  1. Oh yes indeed! My mom can disable a smoke detector so quickly it's crazy. She only does it when it is in the middle of the night and it is making the dying noise. I can disable clocks that get annoying. Great post Miss March! You made me laugh!!

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    1. Oh, that's great. I think every household should have at least one person who knows how to dismember those things. And the quicker the better, right? Heehee. Yay for your mom!! ;)

      Aw, I'm glad this gave you a laugh. Thanks for your comment! :)

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  2. No trust me, It happens to other families. Our smoke detectors go off when our oven is on, when we make toast, cooking bacon, and other things. So frustrating! And most of the time, when it goes off, all of the tall people in my family are not home. So short me has to get a stool. :)

    Love your blog!
    -Lia
    catholicgirlstuff.blogspot.com

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    1. Oh, wow. These things really our troublesome, aren't they? And what horrible timing, always going off when the tall people in the family are absent. The idea! Haha.

      Why, thank you, Lia! And welcome! It's so good to meet you. :)

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  3. Oh my yes!!! I to, am totally immune to fire detector induced panic. Ours like shrieking when they get ladybugs stuck in them. :)

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    1. LADYBUGS? Goodness me. I knew smoke detectors had problems but I had no idea it was THAT bad. Wow. Just wow. ;P

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  4. Oh goodness, yes! So true! Aren't they just awful? I think it'd be so nice if smoke detectors played soothing Beethoven music whenever it senses smoke. Then at least it would be less annoying, right? ;)

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    1. YES! A Beethoven playing smoke detector! What an excellent idea! Somebody really ought to invent that. ;)

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  5. THIS. THIS POST. AMEN.

    Hahahaha, but seriously. Of all the dozens of times (at least, it feels like dozens) our smoke detectors have gone off, it's always been for no real reason.
    (Except like maybe, once, when someone burnt something.)

    And why, why, WHY do they always go off in the middle of the night? And thus removing-the-battery becomes necessary.

    I relate to this post so much. Love it!! :D

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    1. I know. I can understand their oversensitivity to smoke (like when they go off in the kitchen when you're cooking dinner or something) but in the middle of the night? WHY? It makes no sense whatsoever. :P

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  6. Oh believe me, you're not the only one. My college roommate has a pan that has never failed to set the smoke alarm off when it is being used.

    I'd had a bad relationship with smoke/fire alarms since successfully setting my freshman dorm' s one making popcorn and being dragged out of bed between 11 pm and 3 am cause someone pulled the alarm random nights....such fun (NOT)

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    1. Oh no! It went off in your dorm simply because you made popcorn? That is too much. Someone really ought to do something about these things! ;P

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  7. HAHAHA YESSSS. #truth (Sorry that was lame. But I just couldn't resist. ;D)

    Ugh, fire detectors are ridiculous! I honestly think that they wouldn't go off even if the whole house was on fire, but they'd go off when there isn't a whiff of smoke in the air... we've had a lot of trouble with ours. Actually, it's rather embarrassing, because I've become so used to them beeping at night, I SLEEP THROUGH IT!! And I'm the closest one to it in the house - it's right outside my bedroom door! I will sleep through it beeping, but I'll wake up to my brother whimpering... and also, my two little siblings who sleep in the room with me don't hear it go off either. (It's rather funny, because I went on a camping trip recently with a bunch of young adults, and for some reason I was telling them this (I can't remember what the conversation was about :P) and one of the guys said, "Well, in the case of a real fire, hopefully the fire alarm will cause your brother to whimper in his sleep and then you'll wake up to him and then will wake up the others, like a chain reaction!")

    But anyway, this post was hilarious. The end.

    ~Miss Meg

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    1. Hahaha. You're funny. ;D

      Exactly. I don't think they can be trusted to detect real fires. They're too good at detecting fake ones. ;P Whimpering can wake you up but that horrendous beeping can't? Okay, that's too funny. It's like in a movie (at least I feel like I've seen it in a movie), when a person won't wake up by someone shouting, but is immediately disturbed by a whisper. Heehee. ;) That comment about the chain reaction, though. That's perfect. Yes, indeedy. Families working together. That's how it works. ;)

      Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

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  8. Haha! "I am by no means saying that you should not have smoke detectors in your house." You ARE funny, my dear :D (Seriously, though. You are.)

    Our smoke detector was doing that recently-ish. I don't remember when or how it stopped, but I'm glad it did :P

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  9. Haha oh my goodness you made me so scared; I thought you had an actual fire in your house!! And I was thinking "Wow, I know Miss March is awfully witty, but I didn't think she'd bring dry humor to such a tragedy!"

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    1. NO! Really? Oh my goodness. That is too funny! You're so right, though. In the event of such a tragedy a post like this would certainly have been taking my humor a bit too far. Hahaha. :P

      Thanks for this comment, Abby! It made me laugh. :)

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  10. But seriously, though. Truth.

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  11. Oh my gosh, I hate smoke detectors!! Ours don't work, thank goodness!!

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    1. Aren't they awful, though? Haha. You lucky, girl, you!! ;)

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  12. You're certainly not alone, dear! Ours does the exact same thing and it drives me crazy! Particularly when I (and only I, for some suspicious reason) make French toast (my French toast is very... smoky... not say burnt... exactly...).

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    1. I'm so glad you can sympathize! :) But oh, you poor dear. Your smoke detector sounds very naughty indeed. Always screeching at your French toast? That's just not fair!! ;P

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    2. Yeeeesss... It doesn't like my French toast. It tastes good, but, admittedly, I can't seem to master the art of making it without producing lots of smoke, too. I mean, I guess it's good that it DOES detect the smoke??? But I feel like if there was a fire we'd all roll our eyes and say, "what did you burn?" instead of taking it seriously.

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    3. Haha. Exactly!! Somebody needs to invent a smoke detector that can differentiate between a piece of burned toast and an actual fire. Is that possible do you think? ;)

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    4. Perhaps if we taught them to detect FIRE instead of SMOKE???

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    5. I say!! That's exactly what we need. Something that detects fire instead of smoke. That would certainly do the trick. ;)

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