Advice from Miss March: Ten steps for a smooth and sensible romantic relationship.

Before I met my husband, and before I had ever been asked out on a date, I had many ideas for what dating would look like some day in my future.  I had observed other people's relationships over the years and I must confess I found some of them to be rather uncomfortable.  People in love can be so silly, you know.  And so I was determined.  I would not be that way.  When my time came, I would be sensible.  I would not allow "falling in love" to change who I was or to make me behave in that giddy, "head in the cloudsy" way that I had observed so many other couples fall prey to.  

I was a sensible person after all.  A very sensible person.  And so why should I not remain so?  Honestly! It only made sense!  Based off of my knowledge of my personal character and preferences, how could I act otherwise?

And so today I set before you "the proper and sensible way to date, get engaged, and get married" (as I would have seen it back in the day when I personally knew nothing whatever about it, 'hem).

1.

  

There is no logical reason to see each other every day.  Set yourselves a date night, once a week, and that should be plenty of time for the two of you.  Because you're a sensible couple! Just because you love each other doesn't mean you have to act like you always want to be together.  I mean, honestly.  What sensible person does that?

2. 

Sitting close together on the couch is so out of the question.  Be reasonable.  You must each sit at opposite ends of the couch so that you can properly see each other and thereby have a proper conversation.  Because everyone knows you can't talk comfortably with someone when you're sitting with your head on his shoulder!  That's just weird.

3. 

Holding hands all the time, just to hold hands.  How revolting.  This goes strictly against the sensible rules and must be avoided at all costs.  No one enjoys seeing two people glued together at the fingers.  So please, limit hand holding to only when it's necessary (which, come to think of it, is actually pretty much never), so yeah, just skip it all together.

4. 

There is absolutely no need for you to stay up late every evening you're together just talking, talking, talking.  No one can actually have that much to say to another person, can they?  You'd think you were seriously interested in getting to know each other or something.  

5.  

If you happen to work together, and therefore see each other every day at your job, do try and be sensible about things.  Don't sit out in one of your cars and talk after work...especially if you already have plans for getting together later that afternoon.  I mean, that's ridiculous!!  It makes you look far too wrapped up in each other, and is just...well, not in the least bit sensible. 

 

6. 

When you miss seeing each other for one day, don't even consider allowing yourself to walk around looking like a little puppy dog who's lost his best friend.  That's just pathetic.  You've survived without each other up until this point in your lives, surely you can survive one more day alone!

7.  

Don't get ahead of yourself.  You may both be fully convinced that you're going to get married, but trying to figure out a wedding date before you're even officially engaged will only muddle things.  (I'm speaking particularly to you, bride-to-be!)  Such an action will only lead you to stress out about the proposal needing to happen soon so that the wedding date you hoped for can go through, and that's just, well...it's like starting at the end in order to get to the beginning, and everyone knows that's totally nonsensical.  And yes.  Not sensible at all.

8.  

When the proposal does happen, keep it simple.  No need to go all crazy about it.  If you truly love each other no amount of fancy frills and doodads will make that any plainer.  And spending lots of money for a single event like that is not a "sensible" person's way of doing things since everyone knows sensible people are always penny-pinchers. 

**Note:  Just for the record, I don't actually think it's wrong to do a fancy proposal; or that "sensible" always = penny-pincher.  But growing up, in my mind, saving money was always the better option over spending it, and I also never liked the idea of an elaborate proposal.  So that's where that's all coming from.** 

9.  

Engagement is not a time to let sensibleness fail you!  Preparing for a wedding can be totally simple, easy, and stress-free, if you'll only let it be.  No need for extravagance.  Don't waste time on trying to create a dream scenario.  The point is to get married.  Do it as simple and cheap as you can, and don't worry about it having to be perfect!  Above all, enjoy your time!  Wedding planning is totally doable and not something to be overwhelmed about.

10.  

As  a sensible couple on your wedding day, ignore all the clinking glasses.  Kissing on demand is so cheesy, and what's so great about kissing anyway?  Sure, you may want to do it once in awhile as a married couple, but it's certainly not something you'd enjoy doing so much that you'd want to do it on demand, endlessly, in front of a whole bunch of people!  That would clearly, and unmistakably, be sensibleness gone out the window!!

*****

Well, there you have it!  I hope these ten easy steps will help you to navigate through the complicated process of a romantic relationship and bring you through it happy and secure in the knowledge that you chose to do it in a sensible and dignified fashion.  

As Don Lockwood would say:

But, Miss March, now you must tell us; when you were "navigating through the complicated process of a romantic relationship" how well did you end up following your own advice?

Well, it stands to reason I followed it perfectly, does it not?

Ha!  I wouldn't go so far as to say that!  In fact, from my observation, it stands not to reason at all, but rather falls flat upon it's face.

Very well.  I'll admit, you do have a point there.  It seems my younger self had no idea what being in love would actually be like and therefore made bold statements directly from her inexperience.  And it seems my older self did in fact fail to live up to those standards quite perfectly. 

Here's the run down for you since you seem to think it so important:

1.  Fail  

For starters we worked together so we saw each other pretty much every day at work, but aside from that I confess we did get together pretty nearly every evening as well.  In fact, we didn't set a "date night" for the week, but instead set a "non-date" night in an attempt to be more intentional about not neglecting the other people in our lives.   (And I confess, even that was not fully successful all the time.)

2.  Fail

Oh naive younger self.  How little you knew of such matters.  Talking with your significant other as your head rests upon his shoulder is entirely comfortable and worth doing whenever you get a chance.  ;)

3. Partial Fail 

*coughcough*  I have to admit, my younger self would have been very disappointed with the amount of time I spent holding my future husband's hand.  Still, I think we succeeded in not being entirely glued together at the fingers; leastways we didn't hold hands so much when we were around other people.  And I still hold it to be a good policy to keep displays of affection to a minimum when in the company of others.  It's just more comfortable for everyone, I'd say.

4. Fail

This was not so much an actual opinion of my younger self, but I thought I'd include it anyway.  And well, yes, we failed this one, too.  What can I say?  When you're in love every moment is precious, and every parting is sad.  And when you're already a night owl, staying up late just comes with the territory.  

5.  Epic fail

Ridiculous, I know, but we did this quite a lot.  It was just too hard to leave work when you knew the other one would be finishing their shift soon and that there was potential for a little conversation.  Like I said, when you're in love every moment is precious.  :)

6. Fail

Well, perhaps I felt like a little puppy dog who'd lost his best friend!  What else was I supposed to do?  (For those of you have yet to experience being in love, be warned.  The desire to be together all the time is a very real thing, and it is quite easy to feel forlorn and mopey when you're not together.  Not saying that's the proper response, but it happens.)

7.  Fail

Haha, well I definitely would come under the category of one who got ahead of herself a little.  Still, as it turned out, it wasn't enormously stressful, and it all got figured out in the end, so if you're one of those couples that's sort of "engaged" before you're actually "engaged"...don't worry too much about it.  Those things just tend to happen sometimes.

8. SUCCESS!

Oh, we were very sensible when it came to the proposal.  My younger self would have totally and completely approved.  It was simple, to the point, and very, very sweet!  (I cried.) 

9.  Fail

I confess I rather strongly disliked wedding planning.  It was not because I had high standards for how my dream wedding must be, or because I was spending above and beyond my means; it was because I didn't know what I wanted, and was trying too hard to spend next to nothing...which, you know, really isn't possible especially when you're planning to have a meal and inviting more than 100 guests.  So yeah, for some people wedding planning is not stressful but for others, it just is.

10.  Success?

Considering that we didn't have any glasses to clink at my wedding, I'm assuming that means I succeeded at this one?  Still, it is a fact, that the lack of clinking glasses does not necessarily necessitate a lack of kissing.  How do I know this?  My dear friends, what a question!

*****

Well, I think that about sums this post up.  I hope you found some enjoyment either in the "good, sound advice" or in my failure to follow it.  Whichever it is, if you find yourself someday soon entering a romantic relationship, I wish you all the best.  Be prepared for it to be a very different thing than you ever imagined it to be.  Keep high standards for the important things, but be flexible and gracious with yourself if you find you're not entirely sensible all the time.  I mean, I know, this is a post about ten steps for having a sensible relationship, but let's face it.  Love isn't really a sensible thing, now is it?  Does it even really make sense?  I mean, why do people fall in love anyway?  So weird.