A few words to the people of Candleford and Lark Rise {Season 2}

Laura Timmins,

I realize you are one who thinks very profound and deep thoughts, but if I were you I wouldn't waste time moralizing over the fact that Fisher was your one chance at love and now it's all gone.  Gone forever.  Because honestly, you had several chances at love even before Fisher came into the picture.  If you recall, you could have had Alf, but you wanted nothing to do with him; you had Phillip, but you ditched him; and as to Fisher himself, well.  You certainly didn't put up much of a fight for him.  Did it never occur to you that you could keep in contact through letters until such a time as you were both ready to settle down?  (I mean, really, girl.  You do work at a post office.)

Miss Lane,

You are a perfect example of a romantic heroine, for no matter how many times your heart is broken you never let that stop you.  You always fall in love again on the very next opportunity.  It really is marvelous the way you manage it.  

"You must leave, James.  Oh!  My heart is breaking..."

 

"...but, uh, mending very quickly with the help of James number 2, I think."

Alf Arless,

It seems you've taken my advice and gotten over Laura.  And that right quickly, too.  In fact, it was a such an extraordinarily fast turn around I could hardly believe it.  Really.  I'm impressed.

Mr. James Dowland,

If there were a contest for the moodiest person in the show, you would certainly win it.  Why you've got it down to a science!  However, I'm not saying this to belittle such a talent in you, sir.  No indeed.  By all means, be grumpy.  For you'll soon find that grumpiness and romance go hand in hand in Miss Lane's book.  She will not be able to resist you.  (One bit of advice, though.  Don't lie to the woman you love.  That's a sure way of losing her.  And, uh, pining yourself sick over her instead of going and speaking to her face to face, may not after all be the surest means of regaining her affections.  In fact, I'm afraid it is now officially over.  So sorry.)

Mr. Timmins,

It appears you must have given a bit of your grumpiness to Mr. J.D.  At any rate, you've grown much more cheerful of late, and that's a fine thing.  I approve.  (Besides, you've already got yourself a wife.  So why be moody, right?)

Mrs. Timmins,

Steady on.  Take a deep breath.  Right.  Now try again.  See if you can't start with the right words this time so your husband doesn't have the opportunity to turn an innocent remark into an intentional insult.  There.  That's much better.  Now we're getting somewhere.

Dear Timmins Children,

Your parents are about to have an argument.  This means it is now time for you to go outside and play.  Have fun!

Twister,

Don't fret over losing your "job" at the post office.  You have a much higher calling.  Like finding lost people in the woods for instance.  You have to admit you're pretty much an expert when it comes to that!

Thomas Brown,

I hate to break it to you but people don't normally understand mutterings and stutterings and unfinished sentences.  And when dealing with Miss Ellison--who apparently has a knack for hearing only what she wants to hear--I do greatly fear that your attempt at words will be misinterpreted.  See?  What did I tell you?  Now your wedding is set for a date much sooner than you had anticipated, and you're in an absolute panic.  Take my advice, sir.  Calm yourself, slow down, think through what you want to say, form the words, and say them nice and clear.  This is what people typically refer to as talking, I believe.  Go on.  Give it a try.  I'm sure you can do it.

Miss Ellison,

Your constant twitches, and arm wavings, and claspings of the hands are beginning to wear on us.  Do try and tone it down a bit.  Also, if you could perhaps lose the over-exaggerated, creepy smile?  It would do a world of good towards improving your appearance.

Fisher Bloom,

I'm still trying to figure out how you fell for Laura.  Why she wasn't even being nice in that episode!  What do all you guys see in her?  (Oh, that's right.  She's the heroine.  You have no choice.  Poor fellows.)

That's sweet, but...WHY???

Dear Minnie,

I know you're just about the most romantic person in the whole world, and that it makes you ever so happy see people in love, but I must hint to you that some people don't enjoy having their romances talked of with such openness.  One must use tact on subjects such as these, and tact, Minnie, is one thing you do not possess.  So, on the whole, I think it's best that you just remain silent.  (Uh, right.  That was an impossible suggestion.  Pardon me.)

Nan,

Well, hello!  You sort of popped out of nowhere.  Nice to meet you.  *shakes hands*  Will you be staying in the area long do you think?

Miss Pearl,

That was the most absurd attempt at a secret rendezvous I ever did see.  Heading out of town on opposite sides of the street, at the exact same time, and sloooowly (but really not so slowly) lessening the distance between yourselves until you're walking side by side right down the middle of main street!  And not only that, but timing everything so perfectly that you meet up right underneath the constable's wife's window.  I am absolutely blown away by the enormity of your thinking powers!  (Though on the whole I suppose it does rather fit with the general nature of yours and the Constable's behavior throughout this episode, which was not exactly big on brains, and which was in fact entirely ridiculous, uncalled for, and SHAMEFUL!)  (To put it mildly.)

Yes.  I am talking to you, ma'am.

Miss Ruby,

You're a very sweet person.  Not very quick on the uptake, but still sweet.  And you do have a most profound way of munching your food.  Why, one can practically feel the comfort you are deriving from it.  I think food really must be your "one weakness", even more than it is Miss Lane's.

Cinderella Doe,

What do you want to go around creeping people out for?  It's very inconsiderate of you.  We skipped your episode this time, miss.  And very glad we were to do it, too.

Sydney,

If you really are such a "little man" why is it you can't manage to eek out even a short bit of polite conversation with your father?  I would think you'd be able to at least say something.  Please.  The heavy silence is becoming very awkward.

Dear Queenie,
You must have been behaving pretty well this season for I find I haven't anything of interest to say to you.  Perhaps that's just the fault of my own short memory, but be that as it may, today is clearly your lucky day.  Ta-ta! 

Laura, you're getting that far away look in your eye again.  Please don't tell me you're about to say something profound.  I realize that with such a great knowledge of the world and such obvious maturity (coughcough) you must be positively bursting with wise thoughts to share with us common mortals--and I gotta hand it to you, your wise sayings do sound rather impressive when spoken in that lofty tone of voice--but...may I ask?...what do they mean? 

 

*****

Have any of you ever noticed that Miss Lane falls in love with two guys named James? And that their initials are both J.D.?

Have you ever tried to make sense out of Laura's beginning and ending statements and found them peculiarly lacking in that regard?