Monday, March 13, 2017

A few words to the people of Candleford and Lark Rise {Season 2}


Laura Timmins,

I realize you are one who thinks very profound and deep thoughts, but if I were you I wouldn't waste time moralizing over the fact that Fisher was your one chance at love and now it's all gone.  Gone forever.  Because honestly, you had several chances at love even before Fisher came into the picture.  If you recall, you could have had Alf, but you wanted nothing to do with him; you had Phillip, but you ditched him; and as to Fisher himself, well.  You certainly didn't put up much of a fight for him.  Did it never occur to you that you could keep in contact through letters until such a time as you were both ready to settle down?  (I mean, really, girl.  You do work at a post office.)

Miss Lane,
You are a perfect example of a romantic heroine, for no matter how many times your heart is broken you never let that stop you.  You always fall in love again on the very next opportunity.  It really is marvelous the way you manage it.  

"You must leave, James.  Oh!  My heart is breaking..."
 
"...but, uh, mending very quickly with the help of James number 2, I think."

Alf Arless,
It seems you've taken my advice and gotten over Laura.  And that right quickly, too.  In fact, it was a such an extraordinarily fast turn around I could hardly believe it.  Really.  I'm impressed.

Mr. James Dowland,
If there were a contest for the moodiest person in the show, you would certainly win it.  Why you've got it down to a science!  However, I'm not saying this to belittle such a talent in you, sir.  No indeed.  By all means, be grumpy.  For you'll soon find that grumpiness and romance go hand in hand in Miss Lane's book.  She will not be able to resist you.  (One bit of advice, though.  Don't lie to the woman you love.  That's a sure way of losing her.  And, uh, pining yourself sick over her instead of going and speaking to her face to face, may not after all be the surest means of regaining her affections.  In fact, I'm afraid it is now officially over.  So sorry.)

Mr. Timmins,
It appears you must have given a bit of your grumpiness to Mr. J.D.  At any rate, you've grown much more cheerful of late, and that's a fine thing.  I approve.  (Besides, you've already got yourself a wife.  So why be moody, right?)

Mrs. Timmins,
Steady on.  Take a deep breath.  Right.  Now try again.  See if you can't start with the right words this time so your husband doesn't have the opportunity to turn an innocent remark into an intentional insult.  There.  That's much better.  Now we're getting somewhere.


Dear Timmins Children,
Your parents are about to have an argument.  This means it is now time for you to go outside and play.  Have fun!

Twister,
Don't fret over losing your "job" at the post office.  You have a much higher calling.  Like finding lost people in the woods for instance.  You have to admit you're pretty much an expert when it comes to that!

Thomas Brown,
I hate to break it to you but people don't normally understand mutterings and stutterings and unfinished sentences.  And when dealing with Miss Ellison--who apparently has a knack for hearing only what she wants to hear--I do greatly fear that your attempt at words will be misinterpreted.  See?  What did I tell you?  Now your wedding is set for a date much sooner than you had anticipated, and you're in an absolute panic.  Take my advice, sir.  Calm yourself, slow down, think through what you want to say, form the words, and say them nice and clear.  This is what people typically refer to as talking, I believe.  Go on.  Give it a try.  I'm sure you can do it.

Miss Ellison,
Your constant twitches, and arm wavings, and claspings of the hands are beginning to wear on us.  Do try and tone it down a bit.  Also, if you could perhaps lose the over-exaggerated, creepy smile?  It would do a world of good towards improving your appearance.

Fisher Bloom,
I'm still trying to figure out how you fell for Laura.  Why she wasn't even being nice in that episode!  What do all you guys see in her?  (Oh, that's right.  She's the heroine.  You have no choice.  Poor fellows.)

That's sweet, but...WHY???

Dear Minnie,
I know you're just about the most romantic person in the whole world, and that it makes you ever so happy see people in love, but I must hint to you that some people don't enjoy having their romances talked of with such openness.  One must use tact on subjects such as these, and tact, Minnie, is one thing you do not possess.  So, on the whole, I think it's best that you just remain silent.  (Uh, right.  That was an impossible suggestion.  Pardon me.)

Nan,
Well, hello!  You sort of popped out of nowhere.  Nice to meet you.  *shakes hands*  Will you be staying in the area long do you think?

Miss Pearl,
That was the most absurd attempt at a secret rendezvous I ever did see.  Heading out of town on opposite sides of the street, at the exact same time, and sloooowly (but really not so slowly) lessening the distance between yourselves until you're walking side by side right down the middle of main street!  And not only that, but timing everything so perfectly that you meet up right underneath the constable's wife's window.  I am absolutely blown away by the enormity of your thinking powers!  (Though on the whole I suppose it does rather fit with the general nature of yours and the Constable's behavior throughout this episode, which was not exactly big on brains, and which was in fact entirely ridiculous, uncalled for, and SHAMEFUL!)  (To put it mildly.)

Yes.  I am talking to you, ma'am.

Miss Ruby,
You're a very sweet person.  Not very quick on the uptake, but still sweet.  And you do have a most profound way of munching your food.  Why, one can practically feel the comfort you are deriving from it.  I think food really must be your "one weakness", even more than it is Miss Lane's.

Cinderella Doe,
What do you want to go around creeping people out for?  It's very inconsiderate of you.  We skipped your episode this time, miss.  And very glad we were to do it, too.

Sydney,
If you really are such a "little man" why is it you can't manage to eek out even a short bit of polite conversation with your father?  I would think you'd be able to at least say something.  Please.  The heavy silence is becoming very awkward.

Dear Queenie,
You must have been behaving pretty well this season for I find I haven't anything of interest to say to you.  Perhaps that's just the fault of my own short memory, but be that as it may, today is clearly your lucky day.  Ta-ta! 


Laura, you're getting that far away look in your eye again.  Please don't tell me you're about to say something profound.  I realize that with such a great knowledge of the world and such obvious maturity (coughcough) you must be positively bursting with wise thoughts to share with us common mortals--and I gotta hand it to you, your wise sayings do sound rather impressive when spoken in that lofty tone of voice--but...may I ask?...what do they mean
 
*****
Have any of you ever noticed that Miss Lane falls in love with two guys named James? And that their initials are both J.D.?
Have you ever tried to make sense out of Laura's beginning and ending statements and found them peculiarly lacking in that regard?


20 comments:

  1. YOU ARE A GENIUS.
    THE END.
    I love these so, so much. (I take it you're rewatching?)

    "This means it is now time for you to go outside and play." HAHAHAHA. Like, "Go outside now, kids!" *kids go outside* *parents start to quarrle* HAHAHA. IT'S ALWAYS LIKE THAT YOU'RE RIGHT. :-P

    Minnie and no talking? Nope. Not a possibility.

    ... I loved this all. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. Thanks, dear. I'm so glad you enjoy these posts, because I certainly have a lot of fun writing them. :D (Yes, well we were rewatching. We've finished now. I was planning on doing one of these posts after we finished each season, but I sort of fell behind schedule...as usual.)

      IT REALLY IS!! "Frank, Ethel. Outside." Haha. Those poor kids. Just when things are getting interesting they have to leave the house! HAHAHA. :P

      Exactly. Like no way is that ever gonna happen! Heehee. :)

      Thanks again, Naomi! I enjoyed your comment so much!! :D

      Delete
  2. These were so funny, I don't know if they compel me to watch the series again just to laugh at the characters, or if it drives me far, far away from seeing them again! Anyway, even though it's been like 10 years since I watched this, I somehow managed to read this post in their country-British accent, which was hilarity itself! :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You should watch it again just to laugh at the characters. That would be fun! Heehee. ;)

      Delete
  3. This was so incredibly true! Especially Laura, that poor girl! There are times I'm watching her thinking, "Ah, here we go! Today is the day you will finally gather some commonsense!" Wait, never mind.

    Thank you for another lovely post to bring a smile to my face, dear! :D

    ~Emma

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. I know! One has such hopes that she will grow up a little, but she never seems quite able to manage it. Heehee. ;)

      I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks so much for your comment! :)

      Delete
  4. I love this serie.
    I'm watching season 3 and I amazed.
    :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It really is a fun series! I've seen the whole thing three times now. :) Have you been managed to find the fourth season anywhere yet?

      Delete
  5. Oh my word. WHY DIDN'T YOU WRITE LARK RISE? LAURA AND FISHER COULD HAVE BEEN A COUPLE IF THEY WROTE LETTERS TO EACH OTHER BUT NOOOO. That is such a brilliant idea. You need to fix Laura's life for her. You'd be great at it. :D

    Hahahaha, Miss Lane falls in love so easily and so quickly and so repeatably. :P But wait....the teacher's name was James, too? Hmm. I don't remember that.

    ALF. <3

    *Sigh* James Dowland....once in awhile I feel slightly bad for you, but overall...you deserve what you get. :P

    Heehee. Mr. and Mrs. Timmins are everything I hope my marriage WON'T be someday! Okay, they have a FEW nice moments when they're not yelling at each other. A few.

    Hahaha! Your advice for the children--"Have fun!" ;D

    Love your advice for Twister, Thomas, and Miss Ellison. (And YES. The creepy smile....stopppp, Miss Ellison, PLEASE.)

    "That's sweet, but...WHY???" *dies laughing* (Okay, that was exaggerated, but I did laugh. :))

    I agree with EVERYTHING you said to Miss Pearl. YES.

    Oh my word. Hahahahaha. WE SKIPPED THE CINDERELLA DOE EPISODE TOO.

    I admit Sydney rather annoyed me. WHY was he so scared of his father? There was no logical reason for it.

    Heehee. What you said about Laura's "wisdom". :D "..what do they MEAN?" Love it!!

    This was such a splendid post. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I KNOW RIGHT? IT'S SUCH A SIMPLE SOLUTION! WHY DID NO ONE EVER THINK OF THAT??? (One day I'm going to write my own version of Lark Rise and make everything happen the way I want it to happen. ;))

      She really does!! Which is why it's even more surprising to me that it took her so long to get over Sir Timothy! :P Yup. James Delafield is the name of the teacher. He and James Dowland even have the same initials. What a coincidence! :)

      YES! <3 <3

      Too true. He really was a bit of a rat. Still I think he could have been redeemable. (If I'd been the one writing the story...)

      Haha. They really do fight A LOT. :P

      (You noticed the creepy smile, too? THANK YOU! I was hoping someone would be able to sympathize with me on that one.)

      Haha. So glad you found that funny. I was rather pleased with that line myself. ;)

      Natalie, shake my hand! I am so proud to own you as a friend. Together we shall go forth, straighten out Miss Pearl, and put Cinderella Doe in her place! (Heehee. ;))

      I know!! He was annoying me a bit, too.

      Thank you, dear! And your comment was absolutely splendid, too! Seriously, I enjoyed it so much!! :D

      Delete
    2. YES DO. That would be so good. :D

      That's a good point about Sir Timothy. (Also, did it drive you crazy how every episode they'd say "we must not see each other alone anymore" and then ten minutes later they'd be seeking each other out to talk something over??) And haha, wow, I never realized that!

      (Hee, I definitely noticed the creepy smile, too. Haha!)

      *shakes your hand* Sounds like a plan.

      Aww, you're welcome!

      Delete
    3. Heehee. I shall certainly think about. ;)

      (YEEEEES!! Indeed it did. They're so pathetic. "Just get over each other already!!".)

      (Oh good. If you noticed it, then it's official. That really is one creepy smile. :P)

      Delete
  6. I haven't seen season 2, but I was familiar with most of the characters enough that this was still quite amusing. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :D Do you have plans to see the rest of the series sometime, or did you have enough after season 1? ;)

      Delete
    2. I watched the first season a while ago, and I made myself quit because it was taking up so much of my time watching it all (my fault, yes, and I DID limit myself...). Right now I don't plan to finish it, but maybe someday when I have time!

      Delete
    3. Ha, yes. TV shows do have a tendency to do that. (Take up a lot of time, I mean.) Which is too bad really because they're so much fun to watch. Heehee. ;P
      Good job limiting yourself! That's one thing I'm not very good at...when it comes to movies, anyway. Haha. :)

      Delete
  7. I had forgotten this season completely!! I saw right now the 3 season and I liked it enough for to see the last one.
    :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Such fun! I hope you get to see the fourth season soon. :)

      Delete
  8. HAHAHAHA. I was giggling reading the whole thing! This was superb!
    (And the Timmins children? NAILED IT.)

    Really, this was just too good. Too good for words. :D

    Oh, and in answer to your last 2 questions:
    No, I didn't notice.
    And yes, I have tried and failed. But you must admit they SOUND impressive, if you don't stop to think it over. :P

    ~Miss Meg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eeek! I'm SO glad you enjoyed this!! :D :D

      Haha, they do indeed! SO impressive. But yes, we mustn't delve into them too deeply or that illusion will be completely destroyed. HAHA. ;D

      Delete